I learnt today that we are the ones who set the boundaries when it comes to communicating with God. Whilst having a conversation (about God) with my supervisor, I gained a revelation of what it means to be really changed from the inside out.
Someone who has not been schooled in the proper way of growing in relationship with God and yet earnestly spend time seeking Him will only have nothing but the best sort of communion with God; no procedures, no instructions, no methods, no tools of worship, no intermediaries, no modes of inspiration, nothing but the presence and accessibility of God, offering us intimacy and closeness, made directly available to us by the sacrifice of Jesus, which tore the veil which had separated us from God before.
Being spiritual rather than religious. Something to think about for 2014.
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Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
so EMO
and I am not PMSsing.
My pie pie left me this morning at 6a.m. to take a plane home to Canada to surprise her family while I was still sleeping. I remembered waking up and kissing her good bye. Five minutes after she left, I missed her terribly and texted her to see if she was still waiting for a taxi at the lobby so I could quickly get dressed and send her to the bus station. But she had gone. She left a Merry Christmas message on the mirror with toothpaste and wrote me a sweet note where she said "I love you" for the first time since we got together. I was so touched I nearly cried. It's strange, isn't it, that we have not said that to each other. I guess when we first started, we were just having lots of fun and enjoy spending time together and we got so used to not saying it that we just do not say it. Not that we don't say other things to affirm our adoration for each other, and we do that a few times a day.
I had a lot of time to think about her and us through the day and I feel like our love for each other has really grown deeper through the past few months. It's that kind of feeling that makes the heart ache. I miss her much and can't wait for her to be back in 15 days.
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My pie pie left me this morning at 6a.m. to take a plane home to Canada to surprise her family while I was still sleeping. I remembered waking up and kissing her good bye. Five minutes after she left, I missed her terribly and texted her to see if she was still waiting for a taxi at the lobby so I could quickly get dressed and send her to the bus station. But she had gone. She left a Merry Christmas message on the mirror with toothpaste and wrote me a sweet note where she said "I love you" for the first time since we got together. I was so touched I nearly cried. It's strange, isn't it, that we have not said that to each other. I guess when we first started, we were just having lots of fun and enjoy spending time together and we got so used to not saying it that we just do not say it. Not that we don't say other things to affirm our adoration for each other, and we do that a few times a day.
I had a lot of time to think about her and us through the day and I feel like our love for each other has really grown deeper through the past few months. It's that kind of feeling that makes the heart ache. I miss her much and can't wait for her to be back in 15 days.
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2 months on
and I am still missing Cookie. Maybe it's the number of stray dogs over here, mild in nature and quiet, just like Cookie, yet trusting enough to walk near to people. Moments of her last few moments kept coming to mind the past two days; her heavy breathing, the expression in her eyes, how she seemed to tear a little when my dad walked into the room to look at her, and how I missed that moment when she went into seizure as I was in the bathroom, and knowing that all happened only when my mum just arrived home made me feel even more for her. She's so precious and she waited till everyone was home to see her.. I guess I never know if she went peacefully because I was driving as she exhaled her last breath at the backseat, in the arms of my brother and my mum on the way to the hospital. :(
My sister has been showing me cute photos of puppies, as if she wanted to adopt. But I don't think I can ever go through the pain of losing another pet again. Too painful.
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My sister has been showing me cute photos of puppies, as if she wanted to adopt. But I don't think I can ever go through the pain of losing another pet again. Too painful.
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Monday, 23 December 2013
the sweetheart's here!
It has been a fun two days so far, exploring the city and its surrounds with the sweetheart. We just walked and walked and meandered off the usual tourist route and enjoyed getting a little lost.
I went to pick her up from the airport, taking the airport express bus and carrying only a light backpack compared to the rest of the luggage bearing passengers, I felt good. It felt like I was going on holiday but that I was travelling really light. It felt good too knowing the way around the airport; where to walk to buy bus tickets and which line to queue at etc. It felt like I had been living like a local though I was hardly here for more than a day. Some sense of certainty is comforting at times. Some moments of uncertainty are exciting as well. A good balance that I like.
After we dumped our luggage at the hotel (a cosy and neat 3-star hotel near the Taipei Main Station), we walked around the area to get a feel of the vibe around the area then took the train to Taipei 101, the second tallest tower in the world only to find out that the outdoor observatory deck was closed because of the weather and that we wouldn't be able to see much from the indoor deck as well. Another day, perhaps. We then took the train to Shilin tourist market and it was huge! One thing that really fascinates me about Taiwan is how they can make varieties of food in all ways and manners! We didn't get anything much from the market because the sweetheart was wanting to get some winter boots and we were really focused on that but it got tiring after a while. Sleep was fantastic. Missed her so much.
The next day, we went to this historic town called Jiufen. We survived the public transport there, something we were very proud of. I really appreciate Singapore's educational system whenever I go to countries I am able to put my Chinese language and mandarin to use. Hiak! Too many people, perhaps it was a Sunday, that's why. We managed to find a quiet and quaint little coffeshop and sat there for a bit, enjoying the view and the weather. It was awesomely relaxing. We then braved through the crowd and walked the famous clobbered streets, and then wandered off, walking to unknown areas and finally after something like 2000 steps downhill, found a bus stop, felt rejected by three buses which didn't stop for us and finally catching a packed bus and surviving a long and arduous (but cheap!) bus ride to Keelung. I can never fathom how many people could be out on a Sunday night. Keelung was PACKED! Perhaps it was because of the big yellow duck which had made its way to Taiwan. We found the night market (I think), and walked a bit of it before returning to Taipei. It was a great day! I enjoyed walking close to the sweetheart for most of the day, holding her arm under the pretense of sharing the brollie. I love rainy days! Only for that reason.
Back at the hotel, I felt relatively un-overweight until she decided to be so sweet to buy me a bowl of their yummy bowl instant noodles ( I had mentioned they looked delicious) while I was showering. So I had supper at midnight and felt a bit overweight this morning.
We are headed for BeiTou! The hot springs area today! :) More updates later.
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I went to pick her up from the airport, taking the airport express bus and carrying only a light backpack compared to the rest of the luggage bearing passengers, I felt good. It felt like I was going on holiday but that I was travelling really light. It felt good too knowing the way around the airport; where to walk to buy bus tickets and which line to queue at etc. It felt like I had been living like a local though I was hardly here for more than a day. Some sense of certainty is comforting at times. Some moments of uncertainty are exciting as well. A good balance that I like.
After we dumped our luggage at the hotel (a cosy and neat 3-star hotel near the Taipei Main Station), we walked around the area to get a feel of the vibe around the area then took the train to Taipei 101, the second tallest tower in the world only to find out that the outdoor observatory deck was closed because of the weather and that we wouldn't be able to see much from the indoor deck as well. Another day, perhaps. We then took the train to Shilin tourist market and it was huge! One thing that really fascinates me about Taiwan is how they can make varieties of food in all ways and manners! We didn't get anything much from the market because the sweetheart was wanting to get some winter boots and we were really focused on that but it got tiring after a while. Sleep was fantastic. Missed her so much.
The next day, we went to this historic town called Jiufen. We survived the public transport there, something we were very proud of. I really appreciate Singapore's educational system whenever I go to countries I am able to put my Chinese language and mandarin to use. Hiak! Too many people, perhaps it was a Sunday, that's why. We managed to find a quiet and quaint little coffeshop and sat there for a bit, enjoying the view and the weather. It was awesomely relaxing. We then braved through the crowd and walked the famous clobbered streets, and then wandered off, walking to unknown areas and finally after something like 2000 steps downhill, found a bus stop, felt rejected by three buses which didn't stop for us and finally catching a packed bus and surviving a long and arduous (but cheap!) bus ride to Keelung. I can never fathom how many people could be out on a Sunday night. Keelung was PACKED! Perhaps it was because of the big yellow duck which had made its way to Taiwan. We found the night market (I think), and walked a bit of it before returning to Taipei. It was a great day! I enjoyed walking close to the sweetheart for most of the day, holding her arm under the pretense of sharing the brollie. I love rainy days! Only for that reason.
Back at the hotel, I felt relatively un-overweight until she decided to be so sweet to buy me a bowl of their yummy bowl instant noodles ( I had mentioned they looked delicious) while I was showering. So I had supper at midnight and felt a bit overweight this morning.
We are headed for BeiTou! The hot springs area today! :) More updates later.
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Friday, 20 December 2013
Greetings from Taiwan
Fell sick from too much cold air at HK, I think. The flu meds helped, though I had to take naps sporadically on the flight and in the bus ride from the airport to hotel. Yet I am feeling a certain sense of tranquillity being alone before the sweetheart comes to join me tomorrow. I am thankful for God's overwhelming presence in times like that. Makes me wonder if that's the reason we face loneliness sometimes, that we will be still enough to see God's face. I am not lonely at all, just saying. :)
The trip to HK had been a great time to catch up with both friends especially the Aussie mate. I appreciated the deep and honest sharing. But I also realised that I really prefer to travel only with my partner, travel alone or for a cell group retreat. I don't really feel relaxed travelling with others. I appreciated the hourly breaks over the course of the last 6 days to do my reflecting, reading and writing. I am really an introvert at heart. Really.
It's also cold and wet in Taipei but the sweetheart will make all things better when she arrives tomorrow. I heard 3 ambulances in the past hour I am seated at the desk trying to work. Makes me wonder what's happening downstairs. Signing off to get some work done for now. :) TGIF!
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The trip to HK had been a great time to catch up with both friends especially the Aussie mate. I appreciated the deep and honest sharing. But I also realised that I really prefer to travel only with my partner, travel alone or for a cell group retreat. I don't really feel relaxed travelling with others. I appreciated the hourly breaks over the course of the last 6 days to do my reflecting, reading and writing. I am really an introvert at heart. Really.
It's also cold and wet in Taipei but the sweetheart will make all things better when she arrives tomorrow. I heard 3 ambulances in the past hour I am seated at the desk trying to work. Makes me wonder what's happening downstairs. Signing off to get some work done for now. :) TGIF!
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Thursday, 19 December 2013
John 15
A friend asked me what God's will for me is. I instinctively said to abide in Him, to remain in Him so that I will bear fruit and bring people back to the true vine, where apart from Him, we are nothing. I knew that was from John 15 so I went to read the chapter again after I responded. I then recalled that
John 15 was the first chapter I memorised 15 years ago when I first became a Christian. My ex had challenged me to start memorising something from the bible. I flipped my bible and John 15 came in sight. At that time, I did not even know what exactly John 15 was about. I memorised it successfully though. My ex had no idea why that chapter was chosen out of so many other useful and relevant passages to memorise as a baby Christian. Neither did I. Yet being changed from the inside out through communing with God has always been how I prefer to live as a Christian and how I know I am changed for the better each time I commune with Him. It's amazing to know how God had known that this chapter would be the anchoring chapter (from this moment on) for me even when I didn't know before. Isn't He amazing?
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
John 15 was the first chapter I memorised 15 years ago when I first became a Christian. My ex had challenged me to start memorising something from the bible. I flipped my bible and John 15 came in sight. At that time, I did not even know what exactly John 15 was about. I memorised it successfully though. My ex had no idea why that chapter was chosen out of so many other useful and relevant passages to memorise as a baby Christian. Neither did I. Yet being changed from the inside out through communing with God has always been how I prefer to live as a Christian and how I know I am changed for the better each time I commune with Him. It's amazing to know how God had known that this chapter would be the anchoring chapter (from this moment on) for me even when I didn't know before. Isn't He amazing?
The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
The World Hates the Disciples
18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me. 22 If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have no excuse for their sin. 23 Whoever hates me hates my Father as well. 24 If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. 25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated me without reason.’[c]The Work of the Holy Spirit
26 “When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me. 27 And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning.lessons in bite sizes
1) Don't fizzle out. Guard your heart, build your relationship with God, nurture your relationship with God's people.
2) The cobbler gives God the highest praise when he makes the finest pair of shoes.
3) Our time on earth is only a preparation.
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2) The cobbler gives God the highest praise when he makes the finest pair of shoes.
3) Our time on earth is only a preparation.
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Friday, 13 December 2013
Cookie
I still think about Cookie from time to time, and I still read up on the possible causes of her death based on how she was like the few days before she went. The scene that comes to mind is always her last few hours. I think I am still not able to let go because I still think about how I could have better handled the situation. Anyhooz, I was a bit emotional a few days ago while driving and I attributed that to PMS.
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dreams/nightmares
I have never dreamt as much as I did the past two weeks. Maybe I have more time to sleep. That's why.
First, I dreamt that I met my supervisor unprepared.
Secondly, I dreamt I scored a B for the last module I took.
Thirdly, I dreamt that the singles event turned out unorganized.
*shakes head* I am having my holidays. I should be having sweet dreams! I can't wait to experience holiday weather in HK and Taipei starting tomorrow! Though I prolly have to work an hour a day during the trip, I know it will feel like holiday. Hopefully, I will have sweet dreams then.
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First, I dreamt that I met my supervisor unprepared.
Secondly, I dreamt I scored a B for the last module I took.
Thirdly, I dreamt that the singles event turned out unorganized.
*shakes head* I am having my holidays. I should be having sweet dreams! I can't wait to experience holiday weather in HK and Taipei starting tomorrow! Though I prolly have to work an hour a day during the trip, I know it will feel like holiday. Hopefully, I will have sweet dreams then.
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Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Quickie post because...
I got to work on my research proposal, which needs to be improved on (heaps) before I meet the supervisor again on Friday. The sense of urgency is there because the research proposal has to be sent together with the online ethics review before my research is allowed to be carried out. And since I am working on an extremely tight deadline to start my project when school starts next year, I am hoping that the approval will come before that.
I always thought I could write decently well, but I was totally humbled by the first meeting I had with my supervisor yesterday. I learnt heaps, things I had not learnt for the past 2 years in my masters studies. Writing style, writing format, content of writing, arrangement of content etc etc. Wow. I foresee a steep learning curve in the next few months. I am thankful for her though. I prefer a supervisor who's detailed like that rather than an easygoing, friendly, anything is okay kind of supervisor. She's nice enough. A good mix.
I am glad to have this week to work on the research proposal and go for my personal maintenance programme; dentist, doctor's, facial etc before travelling this Saturday. Woot.
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I always thought I could write decently well, but I was totally humbled by the first meeting I had with my supervisor yesterday. I learnt heaps, things I had not learnt for the past 2 years in my masters studies. Writing style, writing format, content of writing, arrangement of content etc etc. Wow. I foresee a steep learning curve in the next few months. I am thankful for her though. I prefer a supervisor who's detailed like that rather than an easygoing, friendly, anything is okay kind of supervisor. She's nice enough. A good mix.
I am glad to have this week to work on the research proposal and go for my personal maintenance programme; dentist, doctor's, facial etc before travelling this Saturday. Woot.
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Monday, 9 December 2013
after a hiatus
I have always imagined that I would write more during the holidays. Apparently, that has not been so. I had been busy catching up with the people I do not usually catch up with, celebrating birthdays, thanksgiving dinners, early Christmas celebrations and allowing myself lots of time to be online especially on Facebook.
The love doesn't understand the copious amount of time I spend on Facebook despite me explaining to her how much I learnt from the links shared by others, a variety of news from all around the world, and more interestingly (for me), looking at how differently different ones are wired based on their status updates and what they usually share.
Today, I am able to start writing because I emailed my research proposal to my supervisor last night so she could take a look at it before we meet later after lunch. I am still feeling a little apprehensive from taking the dissertation route but that apprehensive keeps me talking to God.
In the meantime, I am just waiting for this weekend to come so I can spend extensive amounts of time just reading, reflecting, writing and spending time with God. First 7 days in HK with 2 friends, though I imagined I will get some time alone during my flight to HK, the single free and easy day, as well as pockets of time here and there (I hope). Then it will be 24 hours alone at Taipei (yippee!) before the love comes to join me (more yipees!) and 24 hours alone before I fly back to Singapore (Yipee) when she flies back to Canada for 2 weeks with her family (not so yipee). Then it will be back to work (not yipee at all).
I am thankful for the remaining of this week to settle the rest of my stuff before flying off.
Oh. And I am thankful that Dad is well enough so I don't have to worry going on holiday.
Time to read the bible.
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The love doesn't understand the copious amount of time I spend on Facebook despite me explaining to her how much I learnt from the links shared by others, a variety of news from all around the world, and more interestingly (for me), looking at how differently different ones are wired based on their status updates and what they usually share.
Today, I am able to start writing because I emailed my research proposal to my supervisor last night so she could take a look at it before we meet later after lunch. I am still feeling a little apprehensive from taking the dissertation route but that apprehensive keeps me talking to God.
In the meantime, I am just waiting for this weekend to come so I can spend extensive amounts of time just reading, reflecting, writing and spending time with God. First 7 days in HK with 2 friends, though I imagined I will get some time alone during my flight to HK, the single free and easy day, as well as pockets of time here and there (I hope). Then it will be 24 hours alone at Taipei (yippee!) before the love comes to join me (more yipees!) and 24 hours alone before I fly back to Singapore (Yipee) when she flies back to Canada for 2 weeks with her family (not so yipee). Then it will be back to work (not yipee at all).
I am thankful for the remaining of this week to settle the rest of my stuff before flying off.
Oh. And I am thankful that Dad is well enough so I don't have to worry going on holiday.
Time to read the bible.
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Friday, 29 November 2013
hypocrites
in one of the sermons preached some weeks ago, I remembered the preacher telling us that we need to be authentic and not be hypocrites, that we should not be who we are not, and that we should practise what we preach and not say things we don't do.
Maybe it's the technical definition of the word "hypocrite" that needs to be addressed in this instance. I would think that's nothing wrong in stating the ideals and be gradually changed to that ideal. For example, I can share my personal beliefs about how I would like to be, but that doesn't necessarily mean that people can see me practising that because I am human and much as I like to do the right things, I fail sometimes. But they are not able to see my sincerity in wanting to reach that ideal.
It's like setting a goal to be achieved; stating it and not demonstrating it (not yet) may not necessarily mean that one is a hypocrite, it just means that they are a work in progress, that they have plans to eventually work towards that direction.
The lesson I learnt from this post: Let God judge, because only God knows our hearts and our most intimate thoughts.
But maybe that message that the preacher was preaching was for people who do not practise what they preach and they are not interested in achieving that ideal. Or maybe that message would speak to those who are not even aware that they are not practising what they preach. Or maybe, it's a good reminder to people to practise what they preach.
Okay, I think I covered all grounds. :D
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Maybe it's the technical definition of the word "hypocrite" that needs to be addressed in this instance. I would think that's nothing wrong in stating the ideals and be gradually changed to that ideal. For example, I can share my personal beliefs about how I would like to be, but that doesn't necessarily mean that people can see me practising that because I am human and much as I like to do the right things, I fail sometimes. But they are not able to see my sincerity in wanting to reach that ideal.
It's like setting a goal to be achieved; stating it and not demonstrating it (not yet) may not necessarily mean that one is a hypocrite, it just means that they are a work in progress, that they have plans to eventually work towards that direction.
The lesson I learnt from this post: Let God judge, because only God knows our hearts and our most intimate thoughts.
But maybe that message that the preacher was preaching was for people who do not practise what they preach and they are not interested in achieving that ideal. Or maybe that message would speak to those who are not even aware that they are not practising what they preach. Or maybe, it's a good reminder to people to practise what they preach.
Okay, I think I covered all grounds. :D
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temptations
TCT mentioned before about the need to stay away from a temptation so that she won't be tempted. I actually asked her if that would be escapism rather than overcoming the obstacles. It startled her a bit, I thought. That is why I am fascinated with her. I would have imagined that for someone her position as a psychology studies professor, that I wouldn't need to ask questions like that. But perhaps God has already given her the wisdom to understand our weakness as humans. Perhaps God is more interested in protecting us, knowing our weaknesses and all, than to put temptation in front of us and have us overcome it.
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thanksgiving
Happy (American) Thanksgiving! The Canadian Thanksgiving was in October but I was too swamped to think about having a celebration for the sweetheart. She had said that she misses home especially during Thanksgiving and Christmas. So... thanks to the help of some of our friends, we managed to pull off a surprise party for her! And she was pleasantly surprised. It was a good time of catching up, laughing, joking, just like thanksgiving at home, she said. Long dinners and chats over food and drinks. :)
We went round the table to share our thanksgiving too. Before I shared, someone reminded me that I only have 30 seconds (roll eyes). There are just too many things to give thanks for. In the area of work, my kids made an amazing improvement in their grades, that the school management decided I was capable enough to follow up with them through their PSLE next year. For the first time, I was given the responsibility to take care of the top graduating class. Thank God His hands are bigger than mine, and I know they will surely be well-taken care of next year. I thank God for cooperative parents, and how they make me feel that they can entrust their children with me.
In the area of my studies, I thank God for guiding me through the next phase in life, where I made the decision to take the more difficult route of doing my dissertation, which could possibly open up the way for a PhD, It is not so much chasing paper qualifications that mattered, not at all to be honest. I do love studying and would love to do it full-time. I was also excited at the hope of spending a few years in Australia, my second home, with the sweetheart. I also thank God that the only person I had asked to be my supervisor was free and willing to take me with no hesitation at all. She's very knowledgeable and I know I will surely learn lots from her in the next 6 months.
In the area of family, I thank God that Dad is becoming more positive and that he's willing to go out more, I thank God for the upcoming family trip on cruise Star Virgo. I thank God that the sweetheart is able to come along and that my parents like her (I think). I thank God that my parents are quite serious about getting to know God better. I thank God for that cell group that comes once a month so my dad gets a chance to fellowship. I thank God for my colleague and her husband who fetches my mum to church when they can. I thank God for a reliable and hardworking (though expensive) helper I can trust to take care of Dad and still manages to finish household chores. I thank God on how He drew my brother back to Him and how my brother was brought to cell group and subsequently back to church, where he has a group of friends he can hang out with, that I don't have to worry much about him anymore.
In the area of ministry, I thank God for how He has helped me grow through serving His people, whether I was playing for the worship team, or being on audio duty, doing welcome, follow up, or just being able to add value to people in my cell group and around me. I have learnt and have grown both spiritually and emotionally. I thank God for the new cell group Jars of Clay and finally sending someone I can learn from and model after through her leadership. I thank God, most importantly, for His presence in my life, that presence that speaks to me, that strengthens me, that I know I am not alone through it all.
I thank God for sending the sweetheart. It's not in the special things she does that makes me feel loved, but in the everyday things that ensures that I am well-taken care of and how she makes me feel special. She has this amazing ability to be efficient in managing household matters, creating some kind of stability in my life, yet be so spontaneously crazy and restless with the need to be outdoors every second she gets (which I have not quite gotten used to).
I thank God for His strength in helping me stay sane despite everything that has come my way this year. It has not been easy, but I am thankful that I am given some time to rest for the next 3 weeks before it starts all over again.
Lastly, I thank God my holiday officially started yesterday, that I do not have to wake up to alarm clocks for the next three weeks! Woot!
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We went round the table to share our thanksgiving too. Before I shared, someone reminded me that I only have 30 seconds (roll eyes). There are just too many things to give thanks for. In the area of work, my kids made an amazing improvement in their grades, that the school management decided I was capable enough to follow up with them through their PSLE next year. For the first time, I was given the responsibility to take care of the top graduating class. Thank God His hands are bigger than mine, and I know they will surely be well-taken care of next year. I thank God for cooperative parents, and how they make me feel that they can entrust their children with me.
In the area of my studies, I thank God for guiding me through the next phase in life, where I made the decision to take the more difficult route of doing my dissertation, which could possibly open up the way for a PhD, It is not so much chasing paper qualifications that mattered, not at all to be honest. I do love studying and would love to do it full-time. I was also excited at the hope of spending a few years in Australia, my second home, with the sweetheart. I also thank God that the only person I had asked to be my supervisor was free and willing to take me with no hesitation at all. She's very knowledgeable and I know I will surely learn lots from her in the next 6 months.
In the area of family, I thank God that Dad is becoming more positive and that he's willing to go out more, I thank God for the upcoming family trip on cruise Star Virgo. I thank God that the sweetheart is able to come along and that my parents like her (I think). I thank God that my parents are quite serious about getting to know God better. I thank God for that cell group that comes once a month so my dad gets a chance to fellowship. I thank God for my colleague and her husband who fetches my mum to church when they can. I thank God for a reliable and hardworking (though expensive) helper I can trust to take care of Dad and still manages to finish household chores. I thank God on how He drew my brother back to Him and how my brother was brought to cell group and subsequently back to church, where he has a group of friends he can hang out with, that I don't have to worry much about him anymore.
In the area of ministry, I thank God for how He has helped me grow through serving His people, whether I was playing for the worship team, or being on audio duty, doing welcome, follow up, or just being able to add value to people in my cell group and around me. I have learnt and have grown both spiritually and emotionally. I thank God for the new cell group Jars of Clay and finally sending someone I can learn from and model after through her leadership. I thank God, most importantly, for His presence in my life, that presence that speaks to me, that strengthens me, that I know I am not alone through it all.
I thank God for sending the sweetheart. It's not in the special things she does that makes me feel loved, but in the everyday things that ensures that I am well-taken care of and how she makes me feel special. She has this amazing ability to be efficient in managing household matters, creating some kind of stability in my life, yet be so spontaneously crazy and restless with the need to be outdoors every second she gets (which I have not quite gotten used to).
I thank God for His strength in helping me stay sane despite everything that has come my way this year. It has not been easy, but I am thankful that I am given some time to rest for the next 3 weeks before it starts all over again.
Lastly, I thank God my holiday officially started yesterday, that I do not have to wake up to alarm clocks for the next three weeks! Woot!
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Monday, 18 November 2013
getting lost in God
During the Sundown Festival 2013, the sweetheart was sharing about how she could imagine herself on stage, drawing all the energy from the music, the vibe and the crowd (the true ESFP she is). She recalled how during her clubbing days, she could just dance for hours and get lost in the music. I reckon that's kinda similar when I plug in my earphones and let myself immerse in worship music. That's just my time with God. And I get lost in those moments, when the Holy Spirit moves, fills, ministers, heals, and sometimes reveal. And like how the sweetheart says she draws energy from the music and the vibe, God empowers and strengthens during those times of communion with Him. It's not even the lyrics itself that ministers sometimes, God just speaks in between words and music. It's an amazing feeling to be lost that way.
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Sunday, 17 November 2013
Sunday morning meditation
" Throw your heart open to the Holy Spirit and invite Him to fill you. He will do it. Let no one interpret the Scriptures for you in such a way as to rule out the Father's gift of the Spirit. Every person is as full of the Spirit as they want to be. Make your heart a vacuum and the Spirit will rush in to fill it.
Be hard on yourself and easy on others. Carry your own cross but never lay one on the back of another.
Begin to practise the presence of God."
A.W. Tozer
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Be hard on yourself and easy on others. Carry your own cross but never lay one on the back of another.
Begin to practise the presence of God."
A.W. Tozer
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Friday, 15 November 2013
mum
so one day, we were all sitting around in the living room chilling when my mum told me that my cousins drive luxury cars. She had just come back from a holiday from Genting with my auntie and she must have told my mum about the cars her children drive. My mum said one of them drives a mini cooper, one of them drives a Mercedes and one of them a Lexus. Then she said something about them being lucky to be driving such cars. Then she said my auntie said that BMW is the best car to drive, that you would not change to another brand once you drive a BMW.
I felt a tinge of irritation because (my supersensitive nature), I felt as if she wanted me to drive a luxury car (a BMW?) so we can compare to my auntie's family. Of course I was quiet when I was processing these thoughts. I had wanted to retaliate by saying that if it were not for her foolish move to buy this current place for such a huge amount, I wouldn't need to pay 2 mortgages now, and if she could do what normal housewives do; chores and take care of my dad, I wouldn't have to pay $700 more per month for my domestic helper. And with that additional $1200 a month, I can probably drive a BMW. But I decided not to bother. In any case, I am able to buy a BMW now if I want to, but I just do not believe in paying that much for a car.
A few weeks later, I was at home and she asked me for a ride to the CC because it was raining. I told her that I was leaving at about 715p.m. She told me that her class was supposed to start at 7.15p.m and that she needed to leave the house by 6.45p.m. I wanted to ask her if my little Peugeot was okay for her to ride in. *sighs and rolls eyes*. Of course I didn't.
I am quite disappointed that she thinks our value comes from the brand of cars we drive especially when she's a christian now. Doesn't her follow-up sessions/sermons tell her to put her mind on things that are in heaven and not on earth? If she ever asks me to stop tithing and spend that amount of money on something other than god-related matters, I will tell her off, and I hope if that time comes, I would have enough self-control and patience to do that respectfully. This is one of the things about my mum that irritates me, when she talks about money-related matters.
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I felt a tinge of irritation because (my supersensitive nature), I felt as if she wanted me to drive a luxury car (a BMW?) so we can compare to my auntie's family. Of course I was quiet when I was processing these thoughts. I had wanted to retaliate by saying that if it were not for her foolish move to buy this current place for such a huge amount, I wouldn't need to pay 2 mortgages now, and if she could do what normal housewives do; chores and take care of my dad, I wouldn't have to pay $700 more per month for my domestic helper. And with that additional $1200 a month, I can probably drive a BMW. But I decided not to bother. In any case, I am able to buy a BMW now if I want to, but I just do not believe in paying that much for a car.
A few weeks later, I was at home and she asked me for a ride to the CC because it was raining. I told her that I was leaving at about 715p.m. She told me that her class was supposed to start at 7.15p.m and that she needed to leave the house by 6.45p.m. I wanted to ask her if my little Peugeot was okay for her to ride in. *sighs and rolls eyes*. Of course I didn't.
I am quite disappointed that she thinks our value comes from the brand of cars we drive especially when she's a christian now. Doesn't her follow-up sessions/sermons tell her to put her mind on things that are in heaven and not on earth? If she ever asks me to stop tithing and spend that amount of money on something other than god-related matters, I will tell her off, and I hope if that time comes, I would have enough self-control and patience to do that respectfully. This is one of the things about my mum that irritates me, when she talks about money-related matters.
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Wednesday, 13 November 2013
From self? Or from God?
"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up" (1 Cor 8:1).
"Like the proud Pharisee, we will gather our intellectual robes about us and pray: God, I thank you that I am not like other people- robbers, evil doers, adulterers- or even the tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get." (Luke 18:9-14)
There is a very fine line to draw between humility and false humility.
To be able to say that I choose to be weak, I choose to choose God, I choose to be meek, I choose to think for others, comes from the perspective that we are strong enough, good enough, to make that change by ourselves, with God or not.
Granted, some people need to mentally talk themselves into being it before they can believe that they are it. Totally valid and acceptable but there needs to be a circumcision of our hearts before the word of God can be made flesh in our lives without us being proud that we are more superior than others even though we may not say so nor appear to be so. I think this is what it means to be changed from the inside out.
My prayer for myself is humility, that along with the learning that takes place through the word, through Christian materials, through sermons, that my heart will also be circumcised in that process, so that I can live out message behind the word of God and be a blessing to others, that others may know the love of my Heavenly Father and the power of the almighty God.
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Preparedness
I find that I tend to snack and eat more during the day when I don't have breakfast in the morning. Yet I don't feel like eating breakfast in the morning. The rare occasion is when the sweetheart prepares breakfast for me, or that I DECIDED to eat breakfast, or that I get so hungry that I go in search of some unhealthy craving that comes to mind.
I find that having breakfast when I am not hungry helps me choose to eat a healthy breakfast. When I have reached the point of being hungry, I succumb to my cravings because my hunger had caused me to lose control.
This brings to mind the value of preparedness. We need to be disciplined and infuse ourselves with the knowledge of God's love and grace for us so that we will be prepared to face any challenges that come our way. If not, when we encounter a difficult situation, we lose self-control and let that desperation control us and we grasp at any help we can find instead of relying on the god-given spirit in us.
Time to eat breakfast! Cereal and milk this morning! Wheee!
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Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Mentoring needed
We need Rev Yap to grow another Rev Yap. We need Gary to grow another Gary. We need Pauline to grow another Pauline. We need Miak to grow another Miak. We need Susan to grow another Susan. We need Sulin to grow another Sulin.
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Tuesday, 29 October 2013
came out to another friend
Achievement of the day: I came out to a friend! Who's Christian!
He has an uncle who's gay and with his partner for decades.
He works as an admin staff at a Methodist church.
He doesn't attend any church because he finds a greater measure of freedom to be who God created him to be outside the institutionalized church.
He goes street healing regularly with a group of Christians.
He says he has chosen to suspend any judgement with regards to gay relationships in general.
and he says he and wifey may drop by FCC one day.
Woot.
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He has an uncle who's gay and with his partner for decades.
He works as an admin staff at a Methodist church.
He doesn't attend any church because he finds a greater measure of freedom to be who God created him to be outside the institutionalized church.
He goes street healing regularly with a group of Christians.
He says he has chosen to suspend any judgement with regards to gay relationships in general.
and he says he and wifey may drop by FCC one day.
Woot.
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Viola!
God is so good. That is one of the ways I get super encouraged by God. He answers! He responded to the previous post titled "Build deep before casting net wide" through a chapter from Tozer's book.
From Tozer:
Error and truth travel the same highways. It is therefore critically important that the Christian take full advantage of every provision God has made to save him from delusion. These are:
1) prayer
2) faith
3) constant meditation on the scriptures
4) obedience
5) humility
6) hard, serious thought
7) the illumination of the Holy Spirit
How do we test if something is from God or not?
1) Does it serve to magnify God? What has this done to my relationship to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ?
2) How has this affected my attitude towards the Lord Jesus Christ? Does Jesus stand at the centre of it all? Does this make Jesus indispensable?
3) How does this affect my attitude towards the Holy Scriptures? Can we find authority for it in the Scriptures? Do we have an increasing love for the bible?
4) Does this make me humble, little and vile in my own eyes? Or does it minister to my pride or self-congratulation?
5) Does this deepen our love for fellow Christians?
6) Does it lead to the pursuit of carnal enjoyments?
7) Does it make holiness more attractive and sin more intolerable?
Something to meditate on.
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From Tozer:
Error and truth travel the same highways. It is therefore critically important that the Christian take full advantage of every provision God has made to save him from delusion. These are:
1) prayer
2) faith
3) constant meditation on the scriptures
4) obedience
5) humility
6) hard, serious thought
7) the illumination of the Holy Spirit
How do we test if something is from God or not?
1) Does it serve to magnify God? What has this done to my relationship to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ?
2) How has this affected my attitude towards the Lord Jesus Christ? Does Jesus stand at the centre of it all? Does this make Jesus indispensable?
3) How does this affect my attitude towards the Holy Scriptures? Can we find authority for it in the Scriptures? Do we have an increasing love for the bible?
4) Does this make me humble, little and vile in my own eyes? Or does it minister to my pride or self-congratulation?
5) Does this deepen our love for fellow Christians?
6) Does it lead to the pursuit of carnal enjoyments?
7) Does it make holiness more attractive and sin more intolerable?
Something to meditate on.
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gifts and talents
This is in response to a friend who asked what our talent is.
As I think about what I am good at, I thought that God has gifted me with many gifts, though not in significant amounts, but just enough to play a part in contributing to His kingdom. And while I can't say I am particularly gifted in anything, I am thankful to be able to be something for God.
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As I think about what I am good at, I thought that God has gifted me with many gifts, though not in significant amounts, but just enough to play a part in contributing to His kingdom. And while I can't say I am particularly gifted in anything, I am thankful to be able to be something for God.
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Build deep before casting net wide
"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught and you will overflow with thankfulness.Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority."
Colossians 2:6-10
One thing I struggle often with progressive theology is how wide and diverse some point of views are. So much history, such a wide range of theological beliefs.. so many alternatives.. Whilst I think that is good to explore beyond the core I have learnt and grown my faith on, many a times, I feel unease and sometimes momentarily displaced by some things that are shared.
Afterall, isn't Christianity a relationship with God and a relationship to be experienced and not learnt? Shouldn't then we learn about the character of God and the life of Jesus as much as we can from the word of God trusting that what's not in the bible is prolly not as important? Shouldn't we be assured of God's love for us and be secure in our identity as a child of God as much as we can, grow our faith through trusting in His promises from His word as much as we can, so we can be rooted and grounded in the knowledge of His love and grace for us?
Granted that some people grow closest to God by exploring the peripherals of what's not in the bible. Or perhaps I do not know enough to know that the peripherals are actually part of the core I had never been exposed to before. So when that happens, do I trust the feelings of unease and the lack of peace in my heart? Or do I try to learn to accept the alternative beliefs? The answer came as soon as I type this question. Pray for wisdom in discerning.
I truly am a simple person with a simple faith, contented in believing in an awesome God. Mainstream messages appeal to me much more than progressive sermons. I guess I am okay when people still share the same love for God. I guess the problem is when some people I know changes their beliefs about the way they feel about God and Jesus (they feel further from God and Jesus). That makes me sad. Or they share something that I have never known in my 12 years of being a Christian and I do not feel at peace with what is shared. That makes me slightly defensive. So many things to think about. Blah.
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Colossians 2:6-10
One thing I struggle often with progressive theology is how wide and diverse some point of views are. So much history, such a wide range of theological beliefs.. so many alternatives.. Whilst I think that is good to explore beyond the core I have learnt and grown my faith on, many a times, I feel unease and sometimes momentarily displaced by some things that are shared.
Afterall, isn't Christianity a relationship with God and a relationship to be experienced and not learnt? Shouldn't then we learn about the character of God and the life of Jesus as much as we can from the word of God trusting that what's not in the bible is prolly not as important? Shouldn't we be assured of God's love for us and be secure in our identity as a child of God as much as we can, grow our faith through trusting in His promises from His word as much as we can, so we can be rooted and grounded in the knowledge of His love and grace for us?
Granted that some people grow closest to God by exploring the peripherals of what's not in the bible. Or perhaps I do not know enough to know that the peripherals are actually part of the core I had never been exposed to before. So when that happens, do I trust the feelings of unease and the lack of peace in my heart? Or do I try to learn to accept the alternative beliefs? The answer came as soon as I type this question. Pray for wisdom in discerning.
I truly am a simple person with a simple faith, contented in believing in an awesome God. Mainstream messages appeal to me much more than progressive sermons. I guess I am okay when people still share the same love for God. I guess the problem is when some people I know changes their beliefs about the way they feel about God and Jesus (they feel further from God and Jesus). That makes me sad. Or they share something that I have never known in my 12 years of being a Christian and I do not feel at peace with what is shared. That makes me slightly defensive. So many things to think about. Blah.
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tattoos
whilst I was at the doctor's, I saw a lady with a classy looking tattoo at the back of her ankle.
I was reminded of a PE teacher I had met at a course. She had a tattoo at the back of her ankle and one around her upper arm (the barb wire sort). If she dresses as a PE teacher, her tattoos will definitely be seen. I asked her how that was possible at school. She said the leadership didn't really give her a hard time about the tattoos though they had tried to ask her to cover them. But she didn't care, and soon after, they didn't too. In fact, she told me, some parents went to ask her where she got the tattoos done! Wow! How times have changed! And how mindsets have changed!
I have wondered quite a few times where I would want my tattoo to be if I ever wanted to have one. Truth be told, after I visited an MCC church at Sydney and saw how some tattoos looked on some women in their 60s/70s, I had second thoughts about having any at all. :p
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I was reminded of a PE teacher I had met at a course. She had a tattoo at the back of her ankle and one around her upper arm (the barb wire sort). If she dresses as a PE teacher, her tattoos will definitely be seen. I asked her how that was possible at school. She said the leadership didn't really give her a hard time about the tattoos though they had tried to ask her to cover them. But she didn't care, and soon after, they didn't too. In fact, she told me, some parents went to ask her where she got the tattoos done! Wow! How times have changed! And how mindsets have changed!
I have wondered quite a few times where I would want my tattoo to be if I ever wanted to have one. Truth be told, after I visited an MCC church at Sydney and saw how some tattoos looked on some women in their 60s/70s, I had second thoughts about having any at all. :p
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I am back!
for a short while before starting on my assignment and studying for my test both due 11th Nov. After that, I will truly be liberated.
It has been a tough month with Cookie's passing, competitions, my injury, recovering from the injury, my course work, preparation for the presentation, all the markings from PSLE and school exams and I guess I finally crashed after last night's presentation. I nearly fell asleep at the wheel while driving home after the presentation. That was how tired I was. My love was commenting how I need to learn to relax, to that I reminded her that I have newspaper breaks, swim breaks, movie breaks, meals break, cell group breaks, outings breaks, church breaks, bitstrips break, facebook breaks, blogging breaks... and it was after last night that I realised that I have pushed myself too hard trying to fit in all these into my busy schedule of work and studies. My expectations of myself kill me this way sometimes. I need to really do nothing and spend an hour a day just doing nothing but rest, which I did today.
I decided to take a day off from work (medical leave), slept till 10a.m. and woke up to have breakfast, went to see the doctor and told her I was exhausted and after which we had a 10-15 minute conversation on teaching and her sons and how she handles them as a very concerned parent. After which I went home and spent some time reading the papers and entertaining my aunt who had come to visit my dad and had an hour long conversation with her. Had my lunch leisurely before blogging now. And all these time, my assignment was at the back of my mind. Boo.
I can't wait to have a real break. I can't wait to travel. I can't wait for my course to end and the term to end. In the meantime, I am going to do what I have to do, one step at a time, with a smile.
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It has been a tough month with Cookie's passing, competitions, my injury, recovering from the injury, my course work, preparation for the presentation, all the markings from PSLE and school exams and I guess I finally crashed after last night's presentation. I nearly fell asleep at the wheel while driving home after the presentation. That was how tired I was. My love was commenting how I need to learn to relax, to that I reminded her that I have newspaper breaks, swim breaks, movie breaks, meals break, cell group breaks, outings breaks, church breaks, bitstrips break, facebook breaks, blogging breaks... and it was after last night that I realised that I have pushed myself too hard trying to fit in all these into my busy schedule of work and studies. My expectations of myself kill me this way sometimes. I need to really do nothing and spend an hour a day just doing nothing but rest, which I did today.
I decided to take a day off from work (medical leave), slept till 10a.m. and woke up to have breakfast, went to see the doctor and told her I was exhausted and after which we had a 10-15 minute conversation on teaching and her sons and how she handles them as a very concerned parent. After which I went home and spent some time reading the papers and entertaining my aunt who had come to visit my dad and had an hour long conversation with her. Had my lunch leisurely before blogging now. And all these time, my assignment was at the back of my mind. Boo.
I can't wait to have a real break. I can't wait to travel. I can't wait for my course to end and the term to end. In the meantime, I am going to do what I have to do, one step at a time, with a smile.
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Saturday, 19 October 2013
Afflatus reading Tozer
How powerful a church is is not determined by the size of the church, nor the monetary reserves of the church. The power of the church can be seen when the Holy Spirit powerfully moves people to action.
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another afflatus
I was inspired by a devotional to watch my tongue. To speak only if the words are kind, necessary and true.
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An afflatus
I am inspired to live simply and not get things for myself unless absolutely necessary. Inspired by a Quaker couple in the cell group. How great to live simply; not wanting much, not having much, hence not needing much. I am starting with material goods (clothes, footwear, accessories etc) this year, followed subsequently by eating at hawker centres unless on special occasions. Gambatte!
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Wednesday, 9 October 2013
His strength made perfect in my weakness
It's purely by the grace of God that He has sustained me through this year. It has been a tough year. And the most recent bad news is that Cookie is unwell. She fell while trying to get up and peed when she had difficult getting up from her fall.
I have a thanksgiving to share though; that despite my lack of motivation, interest and hard work for my studies, I am currently averaging a B+ (top 20%). But this is not the final grade yet. There is still 65% worth of work to be done.
The other thanksgiving is getting to the top 4 for badminton though my badminton partner and I were merely aiming just not to lose all the games (cuz the pairs were pretty strong). Thank God for my partner too who ran around a lot more and spared my busted knee more agony.
Also thanksgiving that Dad says he is ready to travel so I will be taking the family on a cruise end Nov (boring right, but dad prefers cruise or genting and my domestic helper cannot go Malaysia).
Thanksgiving that year end trip is booked too. Singapore - HK - Taipei - Singapore.
I am thankful for angels that God had placed along the way to help and support in one way or another, in deed or in prayer. I am truly blessed. And extremely thankful.
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spiritual food
Yesterday, one of the quaker ladies led the worship singing part of the session. And she did it the quaker style. 20 minutes of silence. That was extremely good for me because I so needed that time not to do anything but just concentrate on God. Within the first few minutes, this song came to mind. It was obviously from God because it's been eons since I have heard or sang the song. Yet I was able to remember all the lyrics.
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
Pure gold
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for you God
I choose to be holy
Set apart for you my master
Ready to do your will
I think the theme of being set apart stood out, in consistent with the devotional I read and shared with the Lushates on the same day. It's giving God our best in everything we do. Very apt message since I have been vey unmotivated both at work and in my studies. Today's much better. More productive. Maybe because there are lots to do.
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23.
1) She gets up each morning and follows through with her commitments, despite how she feels.
2) She approaches the Word of God with reverence.
3) She longs for the grace of refinement than the grace of relief.
4) She chooses to invest in the world with joy.
5) She has a spirit of unbreakable determination.
Whilst keeping a few people in prayer, God also highlighted my physical ailments to me. That they needed to be taken care of and prayed for as well. I rarely pray for my physical ailments. But it will be rare when I go through a day without physical pain of some sorts. And perhaps I need to commit these to God and also ask people to pray?
Those were the two main things that came out. Superb time of silence.
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Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold
Pure gold
Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for you God
I choose to be holy
Set apart for you my master
Ready to do your will
I think the theme of being set apart stood out, in consistent with the devotional I read and shared with the Lushates on the same day. It's giving God our best in everything we do. Very apt message since I have been vey unmotivated both at work and in my studies. Today's much better. More productive. Maybe because there are lots to do.
"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Colossians 3:23.
1) She gets up each morning and follows through with her commitments, despite how she feels.
2) She approaches the Word of God with reverence.
3) She longs for the grace of refinement than the grace of relief.
4) She chooses to invest in the world with joy.
5) She has a spirit of unbreakable determination.
Whilst keeping a few people in prayer, God also highlighted my physical ailments to me. That they needed to be taken care of and prayed for as well. I rarely pray for my physical ailments. But it will be rare when I go through a day without physical pain of some sorts. And perhaps I need to commit these to God and also ask people to pray?
Those were the two main things that came out. Superb time of silence.
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Friday, 4 October 2013
Mooncakes..
are best eaten when they are freshly bought, definitely not after they have been refrigerated.
But the ones I am currently eating now (4 yolk-mooncake from Bee Cheng Hiang) tastes just as good after being in the fridge for 2 weeks now. :)) Maybe that's how you distinguish between a good mooncake and a not so good one?
I really appreciate the time at the Nook where I can sit and read, (w) rite and reflect. Ha! My 3 Rs! I randomly composed a simple tune for a song too and once I am up to it, I need to let others hear it to verify that it's not from any of the songs I had subconsciously "copied".
Last evening, I was very thankful to have spent some time catching up with the sweetheart over a leisurely dinner followed by a leisurely walk. I dare say I had not felt that relaxed for a few weeks now. I also had a good ride at ECP where the sweetheart was running with the Les Fit running gals. When we were taking a group photo, a rather cute sporty andro femme took photos for us. She was very friendly and even asked if we wanted more photos. We should have asked her to join us the next time. hehe. I stopped myself because I didn't think it was appropriate since I was attached though I know the sweetheart understands me and wouldn't be offended if I had done that. :)
Cycling was hard on the back and the thighs though it was just for an hour. The park was rather empty because the hawker centre was closed for renovation, so it was an easy and breezy ride. Totally fantastic and relaxing.
Today is gonna be a relaxing day. Workout will prolly be just a leisurely swim to rest the very stiff muscles. Stretching and massage seems to help a lot so will prolly put aside some time for another upper back massage (my third this week!). And I am still wondering why I put myself through all these signing up for the badminton tournament (rolls eyes at self).
Laterz....
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But the ones I am currently eating now (4 yolk-mooncake from Bee Cheng Hiang) tastes just as good after being in the fridge for 2 weeks now. :)) Maybe that's how you distinguish between a good mooncake and a not so good one?
I really appreciate the time at the Nook where I can sit and read, (w) rite and reflect. Ha! My 3 Rs! I randomly composed a simple tune for a song too and once I am up to it, I need to let others hear it to verify that it's not from any of the songs I had subconsciously "copied".
Last evening, I was very thankful to have spent some time catching up with the sweetheart over a leisurely dinner followed by a leisurely walk. I dare say I had not felt that relaxed for a few weeks now. I also had a good ride at ECP where the sweetheart was running with the Les Fit running gals. When we were taking a group photo, a rather cute sporty andro femme took photos for us. She was very friendly and even asked if we wanted more photos. We should have asked her to join us the next time. hehe. I stopped myself because I didn't think it was appropriate since I was attached though I know the sweetheart understands me and wouldn't be offended if I had done that. :)
Cycling was hard on the back and the thighs though it was just for an hour. The park was rather empty because the hawker centre was closed for renovation, so it was an easy and breezy ride. Totally fantastic and relaxing.
Today is gonna be a relaxing day. Workout will prolly be just a leisurely swim to rest the very stiff muscles. Stretching and massage seems to help a lot so will prolly put aside some time for another upper back massage (my third this week!). And I am still wondering why I put myself through all these signing up for the badminton tournament (rolls eyes at self).
Laterz....
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Tuesday, 1 October 2013
my coming out story
I had several crushes on my netball seniors and teachers in secondary school. And whilst I had heard many stories about lesbian relationships, I never thought anything about it. At that age, having a crush doesn't equate to wanting to be in a relationship.
When I was 19, I fell in love with my best friend at school. Things started happening between us. At that time, I couldn't identify as a lesbian mostly because my homophobia was internalised. Another part of me thought that the relationship wasn't "normal" and so, surely things between us would end one day and we would both be married to good Christian guys. At that time, I had just received Jesus into my life, thanks to my ex, as well as many other good Christian people that God placed in my path who had prayed for me. However, before I got the chance to grow any further, my ex and I gradually stopped attending church and cell group since we thought we were doing something "wrong" that God would disapprove of. We spent 5 years of our lives together, 2 of which was in Australia, the best two years of my life. We decided then that we would break up once we return to Singapore, which we did. But we would remain very emotionally close to each other. Soon, we started dating guys, but I wasn't really connecting with mine as much as she was with hers.
Through a lesbian friend's blog, I managed to log into an online dating portal Fridae and met my second partner there. It was then I began to come out to myself. It was through her that I started on a journey to reconcile being gay and Christian. Our journey together later took us to Free Community Church, Singapore's only inclusive church. It was there I found the space to worship God authentically, just as I am. That space was useful for me to be grounded in that security that indeed, God loves me for who I am. After I came to terms with who I was, my relationship with God grew exponentially. I began to find the joy and the heart in serving and meeting people who were in similar shoes as I was. My rationale has always been this: Better to be close to God and let him work out your issues with you rather than avoiding Him just because you think being gay is wrong.
God is still working with me on my journey. Although I can say now that I believe that it's possible to be gay and Christian, there will be baggages from before that comes up once in a while that made me doubt that I am wrong. That's when I appreciate fellow comrades who have gone ahead of me. Through all these, I have grown as a Christian and as a person.
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When I was 19, I fell in love with my best friend at school. Things started happening between us. At that time, I couldn't identify as a lesbian mostly because my homophobia was internalised. Another part of me thought that the relationship wasn't "normal" and so, surely things between us would end one day and we would both be married to good Christian guys. At that time, I had just received Jesus into my life, thanks to my ex, as well as many other good Christian people that God placed in my path who had prayed for me. However, before I got the chance to grow any further, my ex and I gradually stopped attending church and cell group since we thought we were doing something "wrong" that God would disapprove of. We spent 5 years of our lives together, 2 of which was in Australia, the best two years of my life. We decided then that we would break up once we return to Singapore, which we did. But we would remain very emotionally close to each other. Soon, we started dating guys, but I wasn't really connecting with mine as much as she was with hers.
Through a lesbian friend's blog, I managed to log into an online dating portal Fridae and met my second partner there. It was then I began to come out to myself. It was through her that I started on a journey to reconcile being gay and Christian. Our journey together later took us to Free Community Church, Singapore's only inclusive church. It was there I found the space to worship God authentically, just as I am. That space was useful for me to be grounded in that security that indeed, God loves me for who I am. After I came to terms with who I was, my relationship with God grew exponentially. I began to find the joy and the heart in serving and meeting people who were in similar shoes as I was. My rationale has always been this: Better to be close to God and let him work out your issues with you rather than avoiding Him just because you think being gay is wrong.
God is still working with me on my journey. Although I can say now that I believe that it's possible to be gay and Christian, there will be baggages from before that comes up once in a while that made me doubt that I am wrong. That's when I appreciate fellow comrades who have gone ahead of me. Through all these, I have grown as a Christian and as a person.
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random
There are times where I really needed to blast a song played at full volume with a full band into my ears that wipes out all the rubbish in my mind completely. It is neither the music nor the singers' voices nor the instruments playing that encourages and inspires me. In that, I would be idolising the created. It is through these amazing gifts, talents and the anointing of the Holy Spirit that comes together and inspire God's people to give of their best that reminded me of God's love and grace for me all over again.
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Monday, 30 September 2013
The next one will be better
This is what I tell people whenever they are bemoaning the loss of a partner in a break up. I know that's a statement that sounds cliché but I figured that the next one will certainly be better because God does not short-change us. Also, over time, we know what makes us tick and what doesn't so we make a wiser decision on our future choice of a partner.
Of late, I realised that perhaps, the reason why the next one will be better may be because what used to matter to us before may not matter as much as we mature. What used to bother us may not bother us as much anymore. All the paranoia, jealousy, the oversensitivity which had been the reason for quarrels can be overlooked now because we do not want to go through the negative consequences from the arguments again. We had made mistakes before and do not want to make the same mistakes now.
This is not about compromising our standards nor overlooking offences just because we do not want to be alone. This is us learning, over time, that some things really do not matter, and what's most important is that we love each other through the bearing of each other's faults to make each other better persons, helping each other grow to be more like Christ. We exist to make the lives of others easier to live.
I am thankful to God daily for sending the sweetheart because she's really a great person and I have learnt a lot from her through spending time with her. Our similarities are enough to accommodate our differences and I am thankful for that.
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Of late, I realised that perhaps, the reason why the next one will be better may be because what used to matter to us before may not matter as much as we mature. What used to bother us may not bother us as much anymore. All the paranoia, jealousy, the oversensitivity which had been the reason for quarrels can be overlooked now because we do not want to go through the negative consequences from the arguments again. We had made mistakes before and do not want to make the same mistakes now.
This is not about compromising our standards nor overlooking offences just because we do not want to be alone. This is us learning, over time, that some things really do not matter, and what's most important is that we love each other through the bearing of each other's faults to make each other better persons, helping each other grow to be more like Christ. We exist to make the lives of others easier to live.
I am thankful to God daily for sending the sweetheart because she's really a great person and I have learnt a lot from her through spending time with her. Our similarities are enough to accommodate our differences and I am thankful for that.
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Sunday, 29 September 2013
can't keep up
I can't keep up with my daily diet and exercise log. Why? Because I eat too much to remember what I eat at the end of the day. So this is the end of my diet and exercise log. Oh. And I didn't exercise today. And I ate butterscotch popcorn. And chicken rice. And a large serving of yogurt from Yoguru. And these are only the unhealthy food from my food list today. And I didn't exercise.
bye.
.
bye.
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Thursday, 26 September 2013
Updates
Monday
A cup of pistachios
Ham and cheese crackers
A banana
Half a serving of smoothie
2 pieces ferrora rocher chocolate
Half a rice dumpling
Subway bLT
Snacks
1 cup of orange juice
Exercise: 1km swim
Tuesday
Black coffee
1 cup pistachios
Ham and cheese crackers
Nutrigrain with milk
Half a rice dumpling
1 curry puff
2 pieces of cake
2 cups orange juice
Half a hot dog bun
Swedish meatballs and mashed potato
A few small bites of that butterscotch almond cake
Exercise: 1 hour badminton moderate level
Wednesday
Black coffee
1 cup pistachios
Nutrigrain w milk
1 banana
Instant noodles w veg, 4 sotong balls and luncheon meat.
5 pieces of Oreo cookies
Half a pack of strawberry milk
Exercise: an omg intense 5 games of badminton which made my legs and butt really sore.
Thursday
Black coffee
Cereal Nutri Grain
Chicken glutinous rice
1 fried (I know!!) fish fillet
A few strands of fries
Seafood soup with rice
Starbucks green tea latte (finally!)
One slice of raisin bread
Whole body aching. Not sure what exercise to do today. Decided to burn a few calories and stretch out those sore muscles.
Exercise @ gym
30 mins leisurely biking
10 mins abs
20 mins stretch
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
Holy Spirit's prompting
I had learnt early in my Christian journey to check the promptings of the Holy Spirit with the consistency of God's character and God's word. Very wise advice given that some fundamentalists are killing people in the name of God.
So how do I really know? Actually, I don't. I only pray that my conscience tells me if it's wrong. Many times, via feedback from the people I was prompted to reach out to, I know that I had heard the promptings accurately. And that encouraged me. And there are times I feel in tune with God's heart when the prompting comes. It has gotten better in the past year. I find myself moving subconsciously with the spirit and I don't get as baffled as I receive a prompting to do something. :) But there were times when I heard wrongly too. Every time that happens, it helps me to recognize God's voice more and more. It gets better with practice.
Generally speaking, the more filled we are with the spirit, the more in tune we are with God's heart and I reckon we can't go very wrong heeding a prompting from God. :)
Generally speaking, the more filled we are with the spirit, the more in tune we are with God's heart and I reckon we can't go very wrong heeding a prompting from God. :)
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Strength and inspiration
I draw strength via affirmations on what I can do or what I have done. Self -efficacy gives me the strength to move along. In a sense, while I appreciate prayers, and the occasional hug and cuddle from my partner, it is mostly strength from God that keeps me going. God also provides resources in the form of his people and finances so I can use these resources to lighten my load on other less urgent stuff and buy time so that I can free up more capacity to handle the more urgent and complicated matters.
I get my inspiration from the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit may speak in between sermons, in between worship songs, in between books that I read and in between work moments. The Holy Spirit works in his own special ways, sometimes I find it even hard to explain how I draw inspiration from. The thought comes and sometimes, a more deliberate effort is needed to put the thought into action, but many times, it's the subconscious following of that voice and realizing after that it was clearly the prompting of the Holy Spirit that I did what I did.
I am always fascinated by the working of the Holy Spirit. How do I tell if the prompting is from the Holy Spirit? Coming up next!
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Monday, 23 September 2013
Day 4-9
Day 4 - Wednesday
Black coffee
One bun
2 small bowls of porridge
1/4 mooncake
2 cups of fresh orange juice
1 cup of pistachios
One cookie
One banana
Porridge with minced meat and century egg
Exercise: Swam 1 km
Day 5 - Thursday
Black coffee
Smoothie
1 Cookie
1 cup of pistachios
half bowl of pasta
1 banana
Claypot chicken rice with dumpling soup (3 pieces of dumpling)
2 tablespoon of ice cream
Exercise: 1 hour badminton (moderate level)
Day 6 - Friday
Black coffee
Smoothie
Black noodle with 1 fried chicken wing
A cup of 3-in-1 coffee
5 boiled sotong balls
1/4 mooncake
5 fried sotong balls
porridge with minced meat and century egg
Exercise: 1 hour badminton (moderate level)
Day 7 - Saturday
Ate rubbish
No exercise. :(
Day 8 - Sunday
Black coffee
Smoothie
Wanton Noodles dry with extra wanton
porridge with minced meat and century egg
7 fried sotong balls
1 char siew bao
Exercise:
30 mins moderately vigorous badminton
20 mins gym (abs and legs)
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Black coffee
One bun
2 small bowls of porridge
1/4 mooncake
2 cups of fresh orange juice
1 cup of pistachios
One cookie
One banana
Porridge with minced meat and century egg
Exercise: Swam 1 km
Day 5 - Thursday
Black coffee
Smoothie
1 Cookie
1 cup of pistachios
half bowl of pasta
1 banana
Claypot chicken rice with dumpling soup (3 pieces of dumpling)
2 tablespoon of ice cream
Exercise: 1 hour badminton (moderate level)
Day 6 - Friday
Black coffee
Smoothie
Black noodle with 1 fried chicken wing
A cup of 3-in-1 coffee
5 boiled sotong balls
1/4 mooncake
5 fried sotong balls
porridge with minced meat and century egg
Exercise: 1 hour badminton (moderate level)
Day 7 - Saturday
Ate rubbish
No exercise. :(
Day 8 - Sunday
Black coffee
Smoothie
Wanton Noodles dry with extra wanton
porridge with minced meat and century egg
7 fried sotong balls
1 char siew bao
Exercise:
30 mins moderately vigorous badminton
20 mins gym (abs and legs)
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Wednesday, 18 September 2013
Stressed but blessed. Stressed to blessed.
Cell group was good. Two thoughts came during cell group. We were supposed to share about something that helps us in our worship of God. I knew that I was ready to share about how the worship of God has always been facilitated by christian music and I had brought my Marshall headphones along because it is one of the more important tools in helping create that me and God communion.
During cell, as I was thinking about what exactly to share, it suddenly dawned on me that I had no recollection on when worship of God worked that powerfully in my life. I tried hard to recall, and vaguely remembered that it was not at the start of my Christian journey though I was ministered by Christian songs even as a pre-believer. If I am not wrong, the working of the Holy Spirit through Christian music in helping me to pray, in leading me in prayer, in creating compassion and love for others, in bringing people to mind, in the birthing of certain initiatives, in the insights and perspectives gained, probably only became very clear when I started to worship in tongues. I can't be totally certain but I think so.
The other perspective was how relationships are more important than how I do for my studies. I had been aiming for at least an A- for all my courses which had led to a lot of pressure especially when I work full time. In addition, my life had never been just about work. Every other activity has been a means to build some sort of relationship for the glory of God. And so, when this perspective came suddenly during cell group, that I realized that whether it is an A I get or a C I get, I will still get my masters degree, that took a load off me especially when I was and still am feeling stressed about the upcoming test on Monday. I was stressed but blessed after cell group, thanks be to God.
More about tongues in another entry. I am getting back to studying for Monday's test.
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During cell, as I was thinking about what exactly to share, it suddenly dawned on me that I had no recollection on when worship of God worked that powerfully in my life. I tried hard to recall, and vaguely remembered that it was not at the start of my Christian journey though I was ministered by Christian songs even as a pre-believer. If I am not wrong, the working of the Holy Spirit through Christian music in helping me to pray, in leading me in prayer, in creating compassion and love for others, in bringing people to mind, in the birthing of certain initiatives, in the insights and perspectives gained, probably only became very clear when I started to worship in tongues. I can't be totally certain but I think so.
The other perspective was how relationships are more important than how I do for my studies. I had been aiming for at least an A- for all my courses which had led to a lot of pressure especially when I work full time. In addition, my life had never been just about work. Every other activity has been a means to build some sort of relationship for the glory of God. And so, when this perspective came suddenly during cell group, that I realized that whether it is an A I get or a C I get, I will still get my masters degree, that took a load off me especially when I was and still am feeling stressed about the upcoming test on Monday. I was stressed but blessed after cell group, thanks be to God.
More about tongues in another entry. I am getting back to studying for Monday's test.
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Day 3: Tuesday
Black coffee
Toasted sardine sandwich
Cereal with milk
1/4 mooncake
Cup noodles Tom yum
Noodles with sotong balls and egg
2 big Otah with bread
Cookie
Fell sick with sore throat, body aches, headache and running nose. Doctor said it's the common flu. Bleah. Not sure if it's the training or the otah or the stress.
Exercise: 20 mins vigorous badminton
Exercise: 20 mins vigorous badminton
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