random Sunday thoughts

Oh the glory of your name
The splendor of your name
Who can compare with the power of your name
You are Jesus
you are Lord
You are God!

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Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.

But that is incomplete. I would continue with this verse: a broken spirit, God will not despise. God can fill you and empower you if you let him. Woot! He always provides! And in our weakness, His strength is seen more evidently!
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I worship God because I want to be in communion with God
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Post Japan Thoughts

Actually, the thing I miss most about Japan is sleeping with the sweetheart. Sigh.

These are the other good things I like about Japan

1) First class quality service; very attentive
2) The lovely weather
3) the Onsen
4) the bullet trains and the JR pass
5) non-sugared green tea sold in vending machines
6) Clean trains and clean train stations despite the fact that eating is allowed
7) Helpful passers-by
8) The way the guys dress
9) the different flavoured kit-kats
10) the ramens, udons, saba fish and curries

These are the not so good things about Japan:

1) Most of them don't understand English
2) So many Pachinko Centres (Slot machines etc)
3) Complicated train lines

Yep. That's all. Will I be back in Japan? Maybe to Hokkaido and Okinawa. :)
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Day 5: Kyoto to Tokyo to Shibuya

" You are God.

That's just the way it is "

Unchangeable

Unshakable

Unstoppable 

that's what you are

3 things I learnt after reading the book of Esther

1) God's timing is very important. Pray and wait for God's perfect timing to come.

2) Grace and favour in the eyes of people is important.

Pray for grace and favour.

3) Having the wisdom to discern what needs to be said or not is important.

Pray for wisdom.

God is like a drug who accentuates every good experience and helps us get through the bad experience, except that God is not bad for health.  Experiencing the good things in life without God is like making do without the effects of drugs. It is not exactly bad but we fail to experience the full joy and happiness that God can provide. It is like God has given us the DNA to enjoy the effects of drugs and when we use drugs, every good experience is amplified and every bad experience is masked.

Having said that, however, I am not saying taking drugs is good. Just thought of this analogy for people who are content to living life to the fullest without God in their lives.

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Day 4: Kyoto & Surrounds

I checked my luggage into one of the lockers at Kyoto Station before heading to the Fushimi Inari Shrine. I am convinced most people come here to take that perfect shot. After that, I had the most yummy ramen I have ever tasted in my life at a small boutique shop and it cost less than $10! We are paying for overpriced ramens in Singapore! 

I was very ambitious and had wanted to go to the onsen at Ikkyu which is kinda in between Osaka and Kyoto, and Gobi even further away. But after praying (I really did because I felt unsafe heading to the onsen alone and contemplated skipping that. Also I did not want to reach kyoto too late), I decided to do the onsen since Gobi is a street (though they have geishas there) and I have walked many streets since I arrived in Japan.

On hindsight, I should have skipped the express train and made a stop enroute Kyoto. They had said there was a free shuttle bus. I called them upon reaching the train station but ended taking a taxi which cost slightly more than my onsen experience because the receptionist didn't understand English and I didn't understand Japanese. 

I didn't regret going to the onsen. It was great! Imagine 20 degrees celsius  and imagine soaking in and out of the hot pools, taking in the smells of the forest. Then I got lost a little on the train because I did not know the train was terminating at one of the stations and heading in the opposite direction which I was coming from. Grrr. But that was great because it gave me some time with the lord which I did not have as much as expected because Japan is a new place and there are always so many things to read up and researched on. 

So here I am waiting for my train to Kyoto. In lovely weather again. Feel so blessed.

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To my dearest Russian readers

Do you know how fortunate you are to live in a country which produced the prettiest Absolut Russian bottle ever? If any of you is heading to Singapore, can you please bring a bottle for me? I will pay for it. And I can bring you around Singapore if you are here on a weekend. :)
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Japan cont'd

Day 3: Osaka

I find that I am able to hear the holy spirit's prompting more when I am traveling alone.

Went to the UNESCO heritage site just because I am in Osaka. I realized I am not really keen on learning about the history of stuff. That is also why AngKor Wat did not do anything for me. I like seeing things like that in its beauty and stare at it some more to soak in the sights. That's enough for me. That's the distinctly sensing part of me. That is why I like city living, historical architecture and landscape beauty kinda travel. That's why also I enjoyed today's train ride many times more than walking around the castle to learn about its history. I saw the most majestic bridge ever and some ocean. Wow! Maybe it didn't help that it was raining and I was wearing flip flops. It was so lovely soaking into the hot tub at the end of the day.

In this weather, it feels so good just to sit at the train station and read. The weather is cool like Brisbane'a winter. I reckon it should be about 20 degrees Celsius?

Day 3 is over and I am going to have to visit the shrines tomorrow back at Kyoto. *rolls eyes*

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Konnichiwa

Day 1- Singapore-Tokyo-Kyoto

Long overnight budget flights are tedious, but given that the price was three hundred less than a direct non-budget flight, suffering a little was okay. 

Transited at Taipei before arriving at Narita Airport. Took a 4 hour journey to Kyoto via the JR pass. I think train rides are very therapeutic. The last time I did this was in Europe! And boy, I had fun. Lots of alone time reflecting and just enjoying their culture. Nice!

I love the countryside. So much greenery. All the patches of green plots. It must have rained.

A thought: Would I live closer to the city but in close proximity with my neighbor or further in the outskirts having massive amount of space for myself ? In Singapore we don't even have the option.

Day 2: Kyoto-Osaka

Arrived at my capsule accommodation in Osaka after many train transfers just cuz I wanted to use the JR pass and not need to pay any cash for the subways. Checked into the capsule hotel and i think there are only three gals in the female section. Looking forward to use the bath and sauna tonight. artificial onsen experience. 

The boys are so pretty and the girls can look quite andro. I think I might be mistaken for a guy since I do not put on dresses,skirts and make up. In fact, quite a few guys look more like gals (andro) than me. Lol. Okay. Exaggerating.

It poured! And I was in the rain 80% of today. Thank god for cheap umbrellas from Daiso. I only paid 120yen ( $1.50) for it. Got lost quite a bit and taxi driver did not want to take me to Hard Rock Cafe which is a blessing in disguise because a kind-hearted man showed me the subway and saved me at least 500yen.

The number of girls on the gals' side increased to 5, one of them is Taiwanese and has a tattoo band around her arm. Maybe not straight, I don't know. She's femme. I know she's Taiwanese because she asked me some questions in halting English and when I asked if she was Japanese, she said she's Taiwanese and I felt like I had a friend then. Technically, she's the only person I had spoken a complete sentence to today, and got a response. And some interaction (she asked me whether I was going out and if not, if she could borrow my umbrella). Makes me appreciate Singapore's educational system and its culture that I know how to speak English, Mandarin and Cantonese. Yay!

More about the capsule hotel. Cosy! My luggage had to be placed in their locker and fortunately it fits (only fits cabin carry on sized luggage). If not, I have to pay for extra storage space (which is located at the reception). How strange is that! How inconvenient it will be if I needed to take things from my luggage. 

So.. Because there are so few  gals here, I could walk around naked the entire hour to enjoy the spa, shower (the shower heads are in front of the spa and sauna and no curtains!), blow my hair and lotioned myself. Nice!

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Healing

The Holy Spirit spoke regarding this on my last day in HK. 

I was challenged to take God's power of healing to a new level. Praying for healing for people isn't often because of my lack of faith in the effectiveness of my prayer, and the fear that my prayer would not be answered. But God reminded me that  it is not my lack of faith in the effectiveness of my prayer I should worry about more than the faith I should have in God who demonstrated his power through Jesus frequently throughout the book of Matthew. (I browsed through on Wednesday in preparation for bible study facilitation for the lushates). I am often encouraged by the testimonies of some of my friends and their involvement in the healing ministry as well.

God represents perfect love and perfect love casts out all fear, that I would trust that my prayer will be answered and sometimes not immediately because of other external forces present.

Today, 5 days later, during Pastor Prince's sermon, he said that there are people whose souls are prospering yet they do not believe in the prayer of complete healing for self and others. He said that there are people growing in the Lord, growing in the word, fulfilling the great commission but did not prosper in the area of healing. Along with the challenge received in HK, I think God is speaking to me in this area, that I should not want to prosper merely in my soul, but in the aspect of the faith in the healing power of God.

When I read Rev. Yap's transcript, the message of healing came up again, how coincidence that can be, or not; to receive three similar messages in 5 days.

Seems like a confirmation of sorts. Yet my faith is not at that level for my soul to be convicted and my body be in line with my soul. God help me.

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sweet end to the day

Got up early to accompany Dad to see the doctor. Took the entire morning. Fetched Dad home and picked colleague up (best friend at work) and spent time walking to Hort Park and back. 90 mins of hills and stairs, but what a pleasant afternoon. Had the famous duck rice just down the road, chilled a bit at the Nook and drove her back. Drove back to meet the special one. Chilled at the pool, swam and slept a bit because of the headache. Went to the gym to motivate the special one to work out. Warmed up Shepherd's Pie ordered from last night and had a few sips of the honey Jim Beam (sweet and YUMMY!). Went to Vivo and bought the JR pass (ready for Japan! Woot!), went for an express pedicure and got a free nail art! My first nail art! And did I mention it's free?? Went to Mac's and shared an ice-cream and read the papers. The most comforting part of the evening was being able to sit shoulder to shoulder with the special one and hold hands and arms in the car. Sweeeeet.
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Electives!

it is that time of the course that we get to choose the electives for our next module! The range is dismal but two caught my attention. One is Attitude Measurement and Personality Assessment. The other is Exercise, Nutrition and Obesity. Actually, the main reason why I like to take the latter is because the travelling time to the course centre is a 10 minutes drive compared to a 40 minutes drive for the rest of the other modules.But I will definitely learn a lot in Attitude Measurement and Personality Assessment whereas I have studied Exercise, Nutrition and Obesity to death during my undergraduate years. Choices choices choices. Argh. God please help?
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Back in Singapore

Hong Kong was awesome with lots of yummy dim sum. Unlike the other trips, I did not spend much time shopping. In fact, I did not even buy anything for myself except for a $10 top at Stanley Market. After the conference, I appreciated the massive amount of time spent alone worshipping, reflecting, writing, praying and preparing for the bible study I am facilitating tonight. Praying that the spirit will speak to individuals as he works in and through me.

No matter how awesome HK is, Singapore is still home. It's good to be back. I needed to take a break to come back to Singapore to attend to the matters of my Dad. He seems fine but I have to follow him to the hospital tomorrow to see the ENT doctor and on Friday to change the dressing. It is common sense to put both appointments on the same day to save the trouble of driving to the hospital on two separate days, but both could not make a common day. I am thankful that I am having holidays now. Sometimes I feel good being able to do things for Dad aside from praying for him.

Praying praying praying
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Balance

Just as it is important to know that we are the dust of the ground and the scum of the earth, it is also important to know that we are loved regardless of. Most conservative leaders' emphasis is on the wretchedness of man. Most charismatic leaders' emphasis is on our high status in God. A balance is necessary. Telling one side of the message without the other will cause one to feel either miserable or complacent. 

Only when we know how lowly we actually are, we will be able to experience the full extent of God's love, grace and mercy upon our lives.
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Good reminder

"Our physical appearance is our least sustainable asset."

then someone said, " but must still sustain!."

Quite true. :)

I guess it's knowing that it shouldn't take priority over more important things.
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Patience

Coming out is a process. It involves overcoming a cognitive dissonance and internalized homophobia so deeply seated in us from all our life experiences.

After coming out and being told that we are wrong, that we are sinning and we are less than who we are because we are gay, it takes a long time to build up the lost self-esteem. I like to believe that with God, the process can be faster. It is at times when we are feeling the most rotten and lousiest that we truly ask God from the bottom of our heart: God, do you really love me as I am? Am I really a whole person who deserves to be loved even though I am gay, even though I thought you created me as I am? Cries of desperation usually prompt God’s response and facilitate that healing.

I know of people who sleep around and who are content with one night stands because it’s easier to perhaps confess their sins after one night of fun rather than live with the guilt in a lifelong relationship thinking they are doing wrong in the eyes of God. Being out and accepted, we don’t need to hide, we can authentically and daringly wait for God to send someone we want to share a life with rather than engage in frivolous affairs that won’t last or worse, settle for second best.

God only gives us the best. Do wait.

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Why should we serve?

We must be discerning to know that our serving in ministry is not because we want to feel good about ourselves; that we think in adding value to other people’s lives, we feel good. It is such a thin line to draw because research in psychology also tells us that the more we give to people, the happier we feel.. So why should we serve? Still praying for a divine revelation from God other that the typical responses to this question.

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What is a perfect self-image?

Who I am, who people think I am, what I think people say I am and who I really am must be in sync. For only authenticity leads to harmony to wholeness. For what purpose?

Jesus says we have to love God, and loving God means to love who and what He has created; ourselves and others. If who we think we are is determined by earthly humans and earthly things like money, exam grades, etc, which are unpredictable, how we view ourselves is relative and based on how these earthly things make us feel. But if who we think we are is grounded upon the fact that God loves us as we are despite of how we are, we will be unwavering in the way we view ourselves because God’s love is constant, unchanging and unfailing. He loves us when we are fat, unattractive, unhealthy and sinful. This security in our identity in Christ as His beloved child helps us grow gradually into emotionally healthy and resilient adults. We love like how God loves us, not as the world loves us. We live in authenticity which leads to harmony to wholeness, but for what purpose?

Jesus prayed for his disciples in John 17 verse 21 saying: “I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one-as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. I have given them the glory you gave me so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”

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our circumstances for God's glory

Our pain helps us emphasise with those who are suffering, especially when we have gone through similar situations.
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Unrushed

Enjoying this time. No need to rush for any appointment except dinner at 6p.m. Niceeeeee. My holidays have started.

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Time alone in HK

The Amplify Conference just ended yesterday, and after sending the gf off (yes, I am officially attached as of 8th June), it was time alone by myself with God till tomorrow evening. I always enjoy moments like that away from Singapore.. to just take some time to reflect, reevaulate and reboot my relationship with God. I took a train to TST to go to the harbour, took a long walk and spent about one hour at Starbucks trying to consolidate the reflections from the weekend. Am running on limited wifi time, which is good. Laters.
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Reflection from the Saturday sermon

When we come out, something big happens, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but not anything that God doesn’t know of. When Jesus fulfilled his role on the cross, he reconciled man to God and man to man. When we come out, we may be the key who will bring people together, we may help people reconcile with God and with one another. It’s better to be out than to be hiding. Hiding doesn’t help anyone, anything. 

When I was forced to come out, outed by some tagged photos of me on facebook at a camp for lesbians, some of my ex- church people got to know about it. But it was then my walk with God started to grow exponentially, I was forced out of my comfort zone. Overnight, I had to come out to a few people, in a few days, I had to think very deeply about what it meant to be gay and explain the reconciliation of being gay and Christian, in the next few weeks, I had to go for counseling. But coming out helped me rely on the grace and love of God because I could no longer hide my secret. Once hidden because I was hiding myself, I had to lean on God for support. God made use of my situation and forced me out of my comfort zone. God led me to walk with people in the same situation as I was, to draw them back to Him just as how I came back to God after accepting myself as a gay christian, to deepen their spiritual walk with God, just as how my relationship with God grew deeper once I did not let my guilt of being lesbian be the obstacle in worshipping God.

Rev. Cindi Love said this: Jesus has no time for us to walk in our own anxieties and hide behind the walls behind. Don’t be angry with people who are mean to you. You have an opportunity to grow stronger and help you grow stronger with God. Give thanks at all times. Don’t be ashamed of being gay. What a wonderful reminder it was.

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God is Holy

“This is Holy Ground,

We are standing on Holy Ground

For the Lord is here

And where He is, is holy”

I had the privilege of attending a worship liturgy involving all 5 senses. It was led by a group from Hong Kong. Wow! The sound of the bell, the smell of aromatherapy, the green silk carpet stimulating the sense of sight, full body hugs.  It was quite an experience.

And then God spoke through one of the songs they led– I learnt long ago that to be holy is to be set apart. When I did not know that from before, I thought being holy was to be without sin and that we sing we want to be holy, it meant that we want to try our best to be perfect. How unachievable that was, even with the strength of God! However, the revelation from this song brought the holiness of God to a new level. The holiness of God, the holiness of the ground we are standing on, our holiness, is independent of what we do or who we are.  God brings holiness to where He goes, because only He is holy. Wherever God is, it is holy ground. So when we declare that God is Holy, as often as we do, that is when we are holy, standing on holy ground. When God’s spirit is in us, He is in us, and so we are holy, set apart. The more we are filled with spirit, the holier we will be.

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In the zone

It was a surreal moment of connecting with God through prayer prompted by the Holy Spirit for an entire 30 mins drive, praying for whoever and whatever that came to mind whilst worshipping cushioned the background. When I got out of that bubble, I was like "woah! That was quite something!" But dangerous to do that while driving. I pray for a replication of many more moments like that.

I am certainly looking forward to the upcoming trips. I have 2 days alone in Hk and 4 days alone in Japan! Looking forward to an extended time alone with the Lord. Excited about what what God will reveal. Woot!

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Drawing from the vine

If we are Christ-centred, we will naturally be people- centred. If we work to be people- centred without first being Christ-centred, we will tire quickly from trying. Not only that, results will be limited.

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Thanksgiving

1) holidays are starting and I am feeling more relaxed
2) Scored an A- for the previous module which I do not particular have a strong passion for
3) Dear Bro went back to church, attending a cell group and being discipled (and quoting holy moly things on twitter)
4) dad getting discharged this Wed after a 3 month stay in the hospital
5) finished a successful parent-teaching conference with some encouraging feedback from the parents
6) looking forward to Amplify conference in HK this weekend
7) and looking forward to Japan in about 2 weeks
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The power of the Holy Spirit

Why be contented with just God speaking to us? Why, when the filling of the Holy Spirit can overwhelm every morsel of being in us, renew our minds and soften our hearts to have compassion for his people? Why? 

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