what would I give..

to wake at 9a.m. daily
to spend a leisurely morning reading the papers
over a cup of coffee
followed by a morning swim
and do some reading
and writing
and catching up over lunch with a friend
and go to the gym with my gym mate
followed by dinner with my dinner mate
and finally resting early.

What would I give
to attend the Hillsong Worship Conference in July
to spend more time at home with family, especially dad
To experience Spring in Japan
and Autumn in Canada
to spend endless hours
reading, reflecting, writing

What would I give?

I am ready to give up 6 months of my salary to do all of that.

Now to get rid of the guilt of abandoning the 41 kiddos for three months.
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that thorn

my mum's cute. She's god blessing you so often. on facebook and message. Have I mentioned how thankful I am that my parents are christians. I am praying that dad will walk closely with God even during this period of difficult time. Thorns in the flesh is what keeps me praying. Doc said that 15% of the flap is unhealthy but the rest of the flap seems okay. if not, it could possibly mean another surgery. Sigh. I feel so sad for him. I hope he will still be able to recover in time to go to Bali in June.
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NUH day

Initially thankful for the day off to be at the hospital with dad as he goes through the 8 hour surgery. I was planning to do my readings while I wait. 

But as I listen to the worship playlist on my iPod, the spirit compels me to pray. And so I had been for the past hour and a half, contemplating, praying, meditating.

I had not thought my dad's surgery would bother me as much but it was truly a case of the subconscious overtaking the conscious mind.

Such is the strength of resilience? 

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my random thoughts

I missed 2 entries of thoughts regarding God, simply because I was not in a place where I could put my thoughts down and on the other occasion, I was at the brink of falling asleep and was too lazy to climb down my bed to write it down. Both times, I made a mental note about what I was thinking about. Sigh. Maybe it will come back again another day.

I love writing. I wish I have all the time in the world to read, reflect and write. I yearn for a life where I have the time and space to know God deeper and more intimately, to gaze upon His beauty and soak in all the filling of the holy spirit. I wish I wish I wish. I pray I pray I pray.

My queer agenda for today was really working from 7a.m. till 4p.m. and rushing off to shower before my lessons from 6p.m. - 9p.m. My brain was so overworked I have a feeling I will have difficulty falling asleep tonight again, like last night.

I have been having difficulty falling asleep. Usually, I would have fallen deeply into sleep in a matter of minutes. These few days, it might have been an hour. I recalled that the last time that happened, was those few days before my dad's first surgery. Maybe it's subconsciously bothering me.

My queer agenda for tomorrow is simply to work hard, mark efficiently, settle much admin matters before spending some time with my dad. I bought the DVD The Passion of the Christ for my parents to watch together. Did I mention that I am very thankful for their salvation? I still am.  Then I got to meet a friend for a quick dinner before coming back to my studies. Exams are in 3 weeks.

Enough ranting for today. Good night, world.
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Work

has been hard this week. A lot of time and energy spent making connections, with the kiddos, with their parents, with colleagues and ex-colleagues.

Yesterday was a mad marathon of finishing the stack and a half of marking, going through their mistakes before returning them so they are able to revision for their exam on Monday.

So much work I felt I had the right to chill a bit this morning, with a smoothie, some kickass expresso from the CBTL machine and some tarts. And of course, have that space to do frivolous stuff like facebook and blog.

I wish I have more than 24 hours a day. In that way, I am also thankful that time is spent with purpose, not idled.

My queer agenda for today?

Get ready for FCC's reunion lunch, praying for wisdom as a special guest beckons. Followed by some time at home with the family, hopefully I will get to catch up on some readings. Followed by an exercise session with my favourite exercise mate and prolly dinner with my favourite eating mate. Woot.

Dad's situation is making me pensive and a tad bit melancholic, but that keeps me praying for him. I have to leave him in God's hands. Because God loves him more than I do.
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Time alone

Time Alone
Not a bore
Not a chore

Time Alone
In the bubble
with the Lord

Time Alone
Space to reflect
Way to be thankful

Time alone
Silence beckoned
Deepened connection

Time alone
Frivolous with time
Careless dreaming

Time Alone
How can we
ever be bored
with Time Alone
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2 queer agenda in 1 post

Saturday's Queer Agenda

1) woke up late
2) Worshipped a bit with the guitar
3) Pool time: 10 laps
4) Bought groceries and newspapers
5) Prepared food
6) Went on Facebook for a freaking long time. Bleah.
7) Picked bro up and sent us home for reunion dinner
8) Reunion dinner with family
9) Traditional post reunion dinner movie night with some peeps
10) Almond Creme Brulee Latte and TCC
11) Home sweet home

Sunday's Queer Agenda

1) Church
2) Lunch
3) Chill
4) Meet FA friend
5) Pick Bro up
6) Prepare to go visiting
7) Meet the special one.

NB: I NEED TO SET ASIDE TIME TO DO MY MARKING AND READ MY NOTES.
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Being gay is no big hoo ha

and if only both gay and straight people understand that.

Being gay is not about getting drunk, getting tattoos, smoking our lives out, being frivolous in the area of choosing partners, having lots of sex etc etc .. Being gay is not about being preoccupied with being laid and definitely not about staring at boobs and penises all the time.

Sadly, we often stand out for the wrong reasons. From time to time, even I find some of us too different. So I can imagine how the conservatives heterosexuals feel. It takes time to get used to some people. Activists can be very aggressive and rebels can be very offensive at times. People with tattoos normally have a sad and messed up story behind their ink. I have not heard anyone saying: " I am collecting tattoos because they look good". Many of us stand out often in public, in the news, for everything the conservatives heterosexuals do not do and do not stand for.. and maybe that's why they link homosexuality to being wayward.

I have always felt the importance to set ourselves apart for this purpose and for me, part of a greater purpose for God's glory. Sure, we don't have to change for people to accept us, and sure, we have to be ourselves, but we can also be wise in helping others regulate their acceptance of us so it becomes easier for them too. Afterall, if that's our deepest wish, that all our friends, families and loved ones would accept us and our partners, won't we want to help to facilitate that process? Being gay is nothing more than wanting to spend my life with the person I love, like everyone else. The only difference is that I prefer my partner to be of the same gender as I am. And that's why I am writing my homosexual agenda everyday, so that people will know I am no different from them.
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my gay agenda on TGIF!

worked! celebrated CNY! Ex-pupils visited! Sent parents to Lot 1 for their coffee appointment and movie. Endured huge queues at the supermarket while shopping for CNY reunion steamboat food. Picked up steamboat appliances at friend's place. Chatted with friends a little. Gymmed at the super kewl gym. Passed kickass pineapple tarts to a dear friend. Packed duck porridge for dinner. Read the papers. Met the special one. Helped kill a lizard. Observed its pre-death behaviour for about 30 minutes.
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My very busy agenda for today

I woke, drank some coffee. I worked, I worked, forced myself to eat some cereal, popped a pill for migraine  I marked, I marked, I made myself some cup noodles (Nissin's the best) I marked, I popped another pill for migraine. I marked. I finished marking. Communicated with some parents regarding their child. Got a bit excited about the worship component of the women's retreat. Liased with a few people regarding the upcoming Les Fit chalet. Prepared a card for a pupil who has been sick for 4 days. Bought my fruit juices and bought tickets to the Grandmaster for my parents. Meeting a financial adviser friend soon. Followed by some chilling. While still having that migraine. Might need to pop an arcoxia if it gets worse.

Sometimes I feel like a queer superwoman. Woot.
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Purpose

I was flipping through some of my ex-church's bulletin in my mum's room and got to read the summary points of the previous week's sermon. What I read sat very comfortably with my heart. There was this strange sense of familiarity. Strange because I have not heard sermons like that for a long time.

At FCC, the main message about the sermons is to love and accept oneself just as God has accepted us and to fight for justice for the minorities. That forms the foundation of being a christian, not too bad a message. At NCC, the main message is to rely on God's grace and love to bring  us through life, that through the acceptance of this liberating message on grace, we will be empowered to magnify God in our lives. Not too bad a message too. But I guess discipleship in nurturing a believer's walk and then to deepen one's relationship with God is something that sits very well with my soul. In exaggeration, I may even say that it runs in my blood. Nothing gives more life and purpose to me than sharing a life of worship, submission and ministry unto God with fellow believers.

What's my purpose in life? It used to be to add value in the lives of others in the gifts God has given to me so that they will know Him. Now? It is to share this life I have experienced with others that they may know the goodness of walking with Him.
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Queer agenda for today

I forgot to post my homosexual agenda for the day:

Sleep in to get rid of that nagging headache (which turned out to be migraine)
See the doctor to get an mc for today
Get some lunch for myself
Watch Taken again on that amazing website my bro introduced
Finish marking that set of situational writing
Do some readings about ADHD
Speak to dad a bit about the upcoming operation (sigh)
Continue to rest at home
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Bali

so there was this surprise trip to Bali, a very sweet birthday gift indeed. :) from a totally sweet and special person.

It was my second time at Bali, the first was with my previous partner when we were 3 months into the dating phase. Yet I felt so much happier being in Bali now. Things I could never understand.

It was also a good trip because I could see with my physical eyes which accommodation would suit my family best when we go there this June, one of Dad's must go trip.

The thing about taking weekend trips is the worry that the plane will get delayed etc and I will not be able to get to work on time on Monday. The boss is usually not very willing to "grant" us the leave to go away on a weekend because of that too. Because of that, even if I were very sick on the Monday following a trip, I will go to work, and perhaps take medical leave on Tuesday, which I was very tempted to do this morning.

I have been having a headache since yesterday. 6 Panadols didn't help. Maybe a nap will. Adios.
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