My colleague asked me incredulously if I really went to Penang over the weekend. After all, it was a working day on Friday and I had to come back to work on Monday, today. I told her I did. My flight was at 650p.m. on Friday evening and it arrived at Penang Airport at 8p.m. We took a cab to our accommodation, checked in, walked around, had supper and rested. And the next two days before our flight back at 9p.m. on Sunday evening was filleed with lots of rest, walking, food, massage and shopping.
I nearly finished a new book, Making Disciples by Ralph Moore. I was going into the most interesting parts of the book when the plane had to touch down. The last few chapters are: Problems you will encounter, Why some small groups won't, don't and can't work, A feedback loop that keeps you relevant and Good things do come to an end. I can't wait to finish the book this weekend.
Spending time with God and loved ones is always energizing, isn't it? It is a time of rest for me; physical rest, mental rest, emotional rest, spiritual rest... I thought I looked fresher and more alive than most of my colleagues in that room. Was I tired? A little. But the routine of getting up early for work, followed by marking, hospital visits, an occasional exercise session and doing my course-related studying and assignment is even more tiring. Short getaways are a reprieve from the weariness I feel, especially with things concerning my Dad. I always feel down after I visit him. Yet I am reminded that what is most important is that his spirits are kept alive. Looking at him keeps me praying.
Tomorrow is the day when he goes through his third major surgery in a year. I am praying for peace for Dad, a restedness and assurance in his heart that God is with him, and God is in control and God loves him. I am praying for a smooth surgery and excellent wound healing. God our healer, hear these prayers.
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Monday, 29 April 2013
Thanksgiving
I am incredibly thankful of God's graciousness and favour. Despite the fact that I did not feel prepared for the lesson observation, my VP and Supervisor spoke very well of the lesson which they observed. Truly not by my strength but His.
Thankful for a relaxing weekend with my brother and my favorite traveling mate too.
God is good. Despite.
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Thankful for a relaxing weekend with my brother and my favorite traveling mate too.
God is good. Despite.
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The importance of spiritual training
Discipleship is like Michael Jordan.
I was watching a compilation of the top 50 moves of Michael Jordan with the kids when the spirit spoke to my heart.
MJ's eye is always set on the goal in front of him. His prior training helps in his speed and agility in both attacking and defending. In attack, his focus is on bringing the ball to goal. In defence, his focus is on preventing his opponent on scoring. Because of his training, he brings the ball to goal despite the obstruction of many defenders. He doesn't fall and get injured because of the balance he maintains after his shots; something which cannot be achieved without training and lots of experience in game play.
All this is made possible only because he has armed himself with the correct skills and put himself in real games to deal with the different situations. Skills and experience matters.
Likewise, spiritual training and ministry works hand in hand. The commitment to training of one formed the foundation in which everything else grows. Spiritual training is building the foundation in Christ and the knowledge of God's love and grace for us.
Knowledge, however, is not sufficient. Studying about basketball skills, tactics and strategies, even knowing them at the back of our hands is insufficient. It is in applying them in the game that with experience, we know which strategies to use at different times, so it is with serving in ministry. We excel, we fail, we rise, we fall. At the end of it all, we learn, we grow, through serving, so like a refining diamond we grow brighter, reflecting God's light and love to the world.
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Tuesday, 23 April 2013
weekend, please come quickly
I have been so overwhelmed by deadlines it's not funny. And so, after the course assignment was over on Monday, I have a formal lesson observation by my VP and Supervisor. Blah. I am super unmotivated to write 5 pages lesson plans for an hour lesson like how I used to. Blah. I did have inspiration to elaborate for another 2 pages in addition to my pathetic 1 page lesson plan after I prayed to God in desperation. It was at times like that I wondered why I do not go to him right from the start. Sigh.
On another note, I have two kind friends who thought of me when they saw the Absolut Vodka bottle in Denim covers. Woot! Can't wait to pick them up and add to my fabulous Absolut collection.
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On another note, I have two kind friends who thought of me when they saw the Absolut Vodka bottle in Denim covers. Woot! Can't wait to pick them up and add to my fabulous Absolut collection.
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Thursday, 18 April 2013
gaydar sounded
and it was confirmed today!
A new colleague, an untrained teacher, wore a rainbow bracelet today.
When I first saw her about two days ago, my gaydar sounded immediately. She would be difficult to guess for the regular straight person; Though tall and big build, she does have long hair and her gait is not too manly.. I think she suspected about me too. Because she looked. So.. it's confirmed.
Then the patient opposite my dad, who has been in the hospital for nearly as long as my dad, came over to speak to my dad today. He was wearing a San Franciso gay and lesbian T-shirt. I did a double take for a moment because I thought he was straight (from the conversations on the phone with his whoever and drawing of curtain to watch a movie together with his whoever). Maybe he is testing to see if I would react. LOL. Maybe he's a strong advocate of gay and lesbian rights!
And so many lesbian couples at Vivocity lah!
If Jesus comes back to Earth, I don't think he will have an issue with women who love women and men who love men. I am pretty sure about that.
Good night. It's nice to be showered and wait to sleep.
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A new colleague, an untrained teacher, wore a rainbow bracelet today.
When I first saw her about two days ago, my gaydar sounded immediately. She would be difficult to guess for the regular straight person; Though tall and big build, she does have long hair and her gait is not too manly.. I think she suspected about me too. Because she looked. So.. it's confirmed.
Then the patient opposite my dad, who has been in the hospital for nearly as long as my dad, came over to speak to my dad today. He was wearing a San Franciso gay and lesbian T-shirt. I did a double take for a moment because I thought he was straight (from the conversations on the phone with his whoever and drawing of curtain to watch a movie together with his whoever). Maybe he is testing to see if I would react. LOL. Maybe he's a strong advocate of gay and lesbian rights!
And so many lesbian couples at Vivocity lah!
If Jesus comes back to Earth, I don't think he will have an issue with women who love women and men who love men. I am pretty sure about that.
Good night. It's nice to be showered and wait to sleep.
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Monday, 15 April 2013
a progressive christian
I just saw a poster on FB which defines progressive christianity to be characterized by willingness to question tradition, accceptance of human diversity, with a strong emphasis on social justice, or care for the poor and the oppressed, and environmental stewardship of the Earth. Progressive Christians have a deep belief in the centrality of the instruction to love one another within the teachings of Jesus Christ. This leads to a focus on compassion, promoting justice and mercy, tolerance, and working towards solving societal problems of poverty, discrimnation, and environmental issues.
I agree with everything that progressive christianity is. Unfortunately, if we are to be content with that, how different is our faith than others? Non-christians believe everything in the above paragraph too. So what is the distinctive factor that differentiates a christian and a non-christian? Long ago, when I received Christ, I learnt that one distinct characteristic that sets apart Christianity and other religons is that Christianity is not just a religon, it is a relationship with God. I am not saying this in a condescending manner, but when we have experienced communion with God, we will know that when our focus is primarily on God, and if we believe right, all the above will happen as a natural result of our belief.
Over the years, I learnt that when the focus is on building our relationship with God, the Holy Spirit naturally pours out his love and compassion on us in such a ridiculous amount that it overflows and overwhelms us, so much that we can't help but to love, and to care for others. Maybe I am not progressive enough but this is the kind of Christianity I believe in. I don't want to lose sense of this inward belief to outward action kind of order. That's all for tonight. Good night World.
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I agree with everything that progressive christianity is. Unfortunately, if we are to be content with that, how different is our faith than others? Non-christians believe everything in the above paragraph too. So what is the distinctive factor that differentiates a christian and a non-christian? Long ago, when I received Christ, I learnt that one distinct characteristic that sets apart Christianity and other religons is that Christianity is not just a religon, it is a relationship with God. I am not saying this in a condescending manner, but when we have experienced communion with God, we will know that when our focus is primarily on God, and if we believe right, all the above will happen as a natural result of our belief.
Over the years, I learnt that when the focus is on building our relationship with God, the Holy Spirit naturally pours out his love and compassion on us in such a ridiculous amount that it overflows and overwhelms us, so much that we can't help but to love, and to care for others. Maybe I am not progressive enough but this is the kind of Christianity I believe in. I don't want to lose sense of this inward belief to outward action kind of order. That's all for tonight. Good night World.
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watching movies
my life rarely has space for me to breathe. I do not watch television. My only free time is on the computer, and sometimes none at all.
I schedule my life even during the holidays; I set aside time for QT, I plan time to exercise. Every hour of my day is occupied because I don't believe in wasting time. Sometimes I do, but generally I don't. Take the past weekend for example, when I got off work on Friday at 3p.m., I went home, showered, and visited my dad from 4-5p.m. I went to get dinner with my favourite eaitng mate from 5p.m.- 7p.m. and exercised with my favourite exercise mate from 730p.m. - 9p.m. I showered and attempted to study after that. When I woke on Saturday morning, I went to meet the gals who were gathered to play Captain's Ball. When we took a long time waiting for latecomers and later waiting for food, I felt like I was wasting my time. We finally finished everything at 2p.m .and I went for a swim at 2p.m. I attempted to read my textbook at 230p.m. but gave up at 3p.m. I showered and went to visit dad from 430p.m. to 6p.m. and picked my most special friend up to head to a BBQ birthday celebration. On Sunday, I went to church at 930a.m. for audio duty. Church ended and I had lunch with my favourite eating mate and two other friends. Then I went to study with my favourite cafe mate till about 5p.m. Then I went to visit dad till about 7p.m. Then I exercised with my favourite exercise mate for about 40 minutes before eating dinner with my favourite dinner mate. Then I ran some errands and continued to attempt to read my notes before bed.
My point is this. A planned movie session at the cinema is the only time I can space out, not think and not do anything. I feel very relaxed when I watch a movie.
I need a movie soonnnnnn.
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I schedule my life even during the holidays; I set aside time for QT, I plan time to exercise. Every hour of my day is occupied because I don't believe in wasting time. Sometimes I do, but generally I don't. Take the past weekend for example, when I got off work on Friday at 3p.m., I went home, showered, and visited my dad from 4-5p.m. I went to get dinner with my favourite eaitng mate from 5p.m.- 7p.m. and exercised with my favourite exercise mate from 730p.m. - 9p.m. I showered and attempted to study after that. When I woke on Saturday morning, I went to meet the gals who were gathered to play Captain's Ball. When we took a long time waiting for latecomers and later waiting for food, I felt like I was wasting my time. We finally finished everything at 2p.m .and I went for a swim at 2p.m. I attempted to read my textbook at 230p.m. but gave up at 3p.m. I showered and went to visit dad from 430p.m. to 6p.m. and picked my most special friend up to head to a BBQ birthday celebration. On Sunday, I went to church at 930a.m. for audio duty. Church ended and I had lunch with my favourite eating mate and two other friends. Then I went to study with my favourite cafe mate till about 5p.m. Then I went to visit dad till about 7p.m. Then I exercised with my favourite exercise mate for about 40 minutes before eating dinner with my favourite dinner mate. Then I ran some errands and continued to attempt to read my notes before bed.
My point is this. A planned movie session at the cinema is the only time I can space out, not think and not do anything. I feel very relaxed when I watch a movie.
I need a movie soonnnnnn.
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Sunday, 14 April 2013
Wait
Wait - an important verb
Wait - to allow distractions and cares to be filtered
Wait - to give space for the heart to be opened
Wait - for the Holy Spirit to minister
Wait - for hands to open to receive healing
Wait - for hands to lift up in surrender.
Wait
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Friday, 12 April 2013
52nd day at the hospital
Dreamt for the second time in 2 weeks that Dad is well and looking handsome with only slight scars on his cheek to show the post surgery wounds.
Is the dream God's way of comforting me? Is it a promise from God that dad will eventually come to this stage? Or did I dream because subconsciously, I really really wanted this to happen?
Latest update is that the Dr. will perform another procedure and use the skin and muscle from his back to cover up the defect on his cheek. That is in two weeks, and after that, IF all goes well, dad can be discharged in two weeks. This is getting more tiring and draining. How do I keep a positive front? I think about happy things, like holidays, and two years later.
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Sunday, 7 April 2013
Coming out to a straight friend
And so, because of an unpleasant encounter, I had the opportunity to come out to th 2nd last member of my ex- discipleship group, I came out to the other 4 about a year ago but did not come out to the last two because I didn't think they would be ready to receive the news.
This was how the conversation went:
A: Hi. I just called you. Want to check something with you.
Me: Hi A, Sorry it's not convenient to pick up the call. Is it okay to text?
A: You have a friend called L from HK?
M: Not really a friend. Have not met her. Just chatted a bit. Why? You know her?
A: No. She sent me Facebook friend request. I thought she's your friend because she's under our mutual friend list, so I thought okay to accept her request. You know her inclinations?
M (semi cursing under my breath): What inclinations?
A: She wants to be my boyfriend.
M (OMG!! How to respond???): That's hilarious! WHen did that happen?
A: Just today! You didn't know she's a les?
M (deciding whether I should lie or not): I don't really know her at all and rarely chat with her. She added me and I thought it was harmless to accept her chat... Well, she did mention before.
A: If she contacts you, pls don't tell her I talked to you about her. I thought you knew her well.
M: But I think it's very inappropriate to add other people's friend and then ask them to be their partner. Gosh.
A; Yeah same here. I accepted because she's your friend. And she's a girl too (haha). So I thought it's harmless. She chatted with me on facebook and the conversation leads to this. I told her I need to log off and work.
M: Just ignore her then. I will go set my privacy settings so only certain people can see what's on my facebook page. Sorry you got a shock.
A: It's okay. I just wanted to check with you. :) About her.
M: By the way, I am gay too. Just in case you do not know.. But I don't chat up people on fb and ask them to be my partner. (waiting anxiously for response)
A: I really don't know. So you like girls and not guys? But you dated what's that guy's name?
M: Yep. Not in the romantic way. I tried. Before that, I was in a 5 year relationship with a girl.
A: OIC. Thanks for sharing:)
M: Then we thought that it was wrong so we broke up.
A: THen now?
M: Meaning we thought that it was wrong to be gay.
A: Will you still date a girl?
M: A, after I broke up with D (my ex-bf), I realised that i really prefer to be with women and in time to come, I like to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. But I was in a lot of conflict because most churchs, people and society have always thought that God condemns homosexuals. It was quite a painful journey working out this conflict wit hGod. I am currently at that place when I am assured of God's love for me regardless of my sexual orientatino. ANd I am also at peace being in a committed relationship with another woman and know that God doesn't condemn that.
I know it's hard for you to accept but believe when I say that God is still very much my priority in life.
A: Thank you for sharing. I have never had such deep talk with you before. I believe you love God very much and put him first.
M: Yep. It's difficult to share deeply with people when you can't be authentic with them. THat's why I changed church and cell group too.
A: There are some things we can't control. God doesn't condemn you. Does L know also? I guess she must have known why you switched church because I told her we met in covenant but you switched church already.
M: Yes, she does. SHe asked me before too. But I didn't feel that same way about her. She rarely emails me. I am terribly sorry that happened to you. It's really not right that she picks my friends fro mmy fb list and emails them.
A: God loves you
M (thinking whether she will follow up with that statement: but He doesn't condone same sex r/s):I know that.. thanks.
A: I told her I can't be her girlfriend the way she wants.
M: Pastor V even spoke to me because the ex cgl told her. She told me not to share my beliefs with others in church because I might stumble them.
A: My mouth is selaed.
M: THat is what I am selective to who I share with. SOrry I took so long to share with you. I didn't know how you would receive it.
A: My focus is on GOd. I know GOd is a God of love.
M: Yep.
A: No condemnation. I will still love you as a sister in Christ. Because God loves you.
M: Thanks. would you still feel th same if I were in a same gender relationship?
A: He's sovereign. Jesus said he will not lose one sheep that God the Father gives to him. He won't lose you.
Yes, because I trust my GOd. He won't let you go. obelong to Jesus Christ our saviour.
M: THanks A.
A: God bless and keep you. May the Lord lift up his face and shine upon you. :)
M: THanks dear. Your acceptance of me is comforting.
Then she started to ask me why I selected my ex-bf blah blah blah..
I am thankful for this opportunity to come out to another straight christian friend. Enough excitement for the weekend. Poof!
.
This was how the conversation went:
A: Hi. I just called you. Want to check something with you.
Me: Hi A, Sorry it's not convenient to pick up the call. Is it okay to text?
A: You have a friend called L from HK?
M: Not really a friend. Have not met her. Just chatted a bit. Why? You know her?
A: No. She sent me Facebook friend request. I thought she's your friend because she's under our mutual friend list, so I thought okay to accept her request. You know her inclinations?
M (semi cursing under my breath): What inclinations?
A: She wants to be my boyfriend.
M (OMG!! How to respond???): That's hilarious! WHen did that happen?
A: Just today! You didn't know she's a les?
M (deciding whether I should lie or not): I don't really know her at all and rarely chat with her. She added me and I thought it was harmless to accept her chat... Well, she did mention before.
A: If she contacts you, pls don't tell her I talked to you about her. I thought you knew her well.
M: But I think it's very inappropriate to add other people's friend and then ask them to be their partner. Gosh.
A; Yeah same here. I accepted because she's your friend. And she's a girl too (haha). So I thought it's harmless. She chatted with me on facebook and the conversation leads to this. I told her I need to log off and work.
M: Just ignore her then. I will go set my privacy settings so only certain people can see what's on my facebook page. Sorry you got a shock.
A: It's okay. I just wanted to check with you. :) About her.
M: By the way, I am gay too. Just in case you do not know.. But I don't chat up people on fb and ask them to be my partner. (waiting anxiously for response)
A: I really don't know. So you like girls and not guys? But you dated what's that guy's name?
M: Yep. Not in the romantic way. I tried. Before that, I was in a 5 year relationship with a girl.
A: OIC. Thanks for sharing:)
M: Then we thought that it was wrong so we broke up.
A: THen now?
M: Meaning we thought that it was wrong to be gay.
A: Will you still date a girl?
M: A, after I broke up with D (my ex-bf), I realised that i really prefer to be with women and in time to come, I like to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. But I was in a lot of conflict because most churchs, people and society have always thought that God condemns homosexuals. It was quite a painful journey working out this conflict wit hGod. I am currently at that place when I am assured of God's love for me regardless of my sexual orientatino. ANd I am also at peace being in a committed relationship with another woman and know that God doesn't condemn that.
I know it's hard for you to accept but believe when I say that God is still very much my priority in life.
A: Thank you for sharing. I have never had such deep talk with you before. I believe you love God very much and put him first.
M: Yep. It's difficult to share deeply with people when you can't be authentic with them. THat's why I changed church and cell group too.
A: There are some things we can't control. God doesn't condemn you. Does L know also? I guess she must have known why you switched church because I told her we met in covenant but you switched church already.
M: Yes, she does. SHe asked me before too. But I didn't feel that same way about her. She rarely emails me. I am terribly sorry that happened to you. It's really not right that she picks my friends fro mmy fb list and emails them.
A: God loves you
M (thinking whether she will follow up with that statement: but He doesn't condone same sex r/s):I know that.. thanks.
A: I told her I can't be her girlfriend the way she wants.
M: Pastor V even spoke to me because the ex cgl told her. She told me not to share my beliefs with others in church because I might stumble them.
A: My mouth is selaed.
M: THat is what I am selective to who I share with. SOrry I took so long to share with you. I didn't know how you would receive it.
A: My focus is on GOd. I know GOd is a God of love.
M: Yep.
A: No condemnation. I will still love you as a sister in Christ. Because God loves you.
M: Thanks. would you still feel th same if I were in a same gender relationship?
A: He's sovereign. Jesus said he will not lose one sheep that God the Father gives to him. He won't lose you.
Yes, because I trust my GOd. He won't let you go. obelong to Jesus Christ our saviour.
M: THanks A.
A: God bless and keep you. May the Lord lift up his face and shine upon you. :)
M: THanks dear. Your acceptance of me is comforting.
Then she started to ask me why I selected my ex-bf blah blah blah..
I am thankful for this opportunity to come out to another straight christian friend. Enough excitement for the weekend. Poof!
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worship, prayer, ministry
just course every experience with God will have to lead to ministry in the end. That should be the natural product of every disciple of Christ. The fruit.
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Saturday, 6 April 2013
Updated travel plans
Feb: Bali
March: Malacca
April: Penang
May: Chiangmai
June: HK & Macau & Tokyo (maybe)
July: hillsong @ Sydney (still dreaming)
August: Bali with family (hoping)
Sept: Somewhere
Dec: Mauritius (tentative)
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March: Malacca
April: Penang
May: Chiangmai
June: HK & Macau & Tokyo (maybe)
July: hillsong @ Sydney (still dreaming)
August: Bali with family (hoping)
Sept: Somewhere
Dec: Mauritius (tentative)
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Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Reflection of the night
We need to recognise how sinful and wretched we are before we know the depth of God's forgiveness and the extent of God's love for us.
It is in digging deep, removing all the dirt, that we can be changed completely, inside out. No reservations, no justifications, no rationalising.
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It is in digging deep, removing all the dirt, that we can be changed completely, inside out. No reservations, no justifications, no rationalising.
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Tuesday, 2 April 2013
Labels and their roles, again
so my cell group gals and I were discussing about an interesting topic over whatsapp.
Case: there is a femme-looking girl who's alpha but doesn't like femme-looking lesbians. She likes masculine-looking lesbians who are soft inside, not so butch.
I think butch-femme relationships or PL relationships are prolly the easiest to adapt to. For butch-femme relationships, each has their own specific roles they understand they must play and they are happy playing. For PLs, they are woman enough to know what and how their partner wants to be treated because it is more likely how they like to be treated too. For the inbetweeners, andro-andro, andro-femme, butch-andro, the lines are blurred. They said love can conquer anything and everything. I believe yes, but after much understanding from all the communication. In its natural state, it takes more time for people in ambiguous roles to adapt to each other. Not that it's not possible, it is just more effortful.
A few of my femme friends who have complained about their andro partners mostly have issues about not feeling special enough. From observations of their andro partners, I understand the problem as this: Because their partners are not so butch, they tend not to be so initiative in providing or taking care of their femme counterparts. Not that they do not provide nor take care, just more passive in showing that they care. Sure, they rise up to the occasion, but being initiative; doing something out of the ordinary, going the extra mile, giving even when it hurts.. things like that make the femmes happy, simply because someone cares enough to go the extra mile for them.
I think, the softness that femmes like in andros is perhaps, not the passive nature. It can be the softness in their masculine looks to the softness of their vulnerability that they do not have to act tough all the time, to the softness in the gentle way they speak with their femmes. This softness has nothing to do with being passive and definitely has no role in affecting the other side of taking the initiative in giving and protecting.
There! I wish to think and write more but I gotto go to the hospital for now. Laterzz.
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Case: there is a femme-looking girl who's alpha but doesn't like femme-looking lesbians. She likes masculine-looking lesbians who are soft inside, not so butch.
I think butch-femme relationships or PL relationships are prolly the easiest to adapt to. For butch-femme relationships, each has their own specific roles they understand they must play and they are happy playing. For PLs, they are woman enough to know what and how their partner wants to be treated because it is more likely how they like to be treated too. For the inbetweeners, andro-andro, andro-femme, butch-andro, the lines are blurred. They said love can conquer anything and everything. I believe yes, but after much understanding from all the communication. In its natural state, it takes more time for people in ambiguous roles to adapt to each other. Not that it's not possible, it is just more effortful.
A few of my femme friends who have complained about their andro partners mostly have issues about not feeling special enough. From observations of their andro partners, I understand the problem as this: Because their partners are not so butch, they tend not to be so initiative in providing or taking care of their femme counterparts. Not that they do not provide nor take care, just more passive in showing that they care. Sure, they rise up to the occasion, but being initiative; doing something out of the ordinary, going the extra mile, giving even when it hurts.. things like that make the femmes happy, simply because someone cares enough to go the extra mile for them.
I think, the softness that femmes like in andros is perhaps, not the passive nature. It can be the softness in their masculine looks to the softness of their vulnerability that they do not have to act tough all the time, to the softness in the gentle way they speak with their femmes. This softness has nothing to do with being passive and definitely has no role in affecting the other side of taking the initiative in giving and protecting.
There! I wish to think and write more but I gotto go to the hospital for now. Laterzz.
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Monday, 1 April 2013
grieving and loss
We did an emotional health inventory during the FCC women's retreat and I guess it wasn't a surprise when the results showed that I am still an adolescent when it comes to the area of grieving and loss.
According to one of my friends, I had gained a reputation (I don't know how wide the circumference of people is) of being someone who is able to let go quickly after a break up. I never saw that as a
"problem" until a revelation during the retreat.
Previously, I think it's a good thing to be able to move on quickly after a break up. I feel sad but maybe only for a short season. It's the same even with my Dad in hospital for the second time in a year for about 6 weeks now. My way of coping is to occupy my life and my thoughts with many happy things and activities so I won't mourn and whine and be melancholic and waste my life away, right? Apparently wrong.
1) my ex-partners had the impression that the relationship meant very little to me since I was able to move on so quickly.
2) I don't know if there's any baggage in me that's yet to be released that will be carried to the next relationship
3) When I don't mourn fully (I do mourn and cry, but not for very long), I am not able to fully and truly emphatise with people who go through similar situations and hence, will not be able to comfort them or help them along in that journey of healing as effectively as I would.
Maybe I am meant to let myself cry and mourn a little more, so points 1-3 will be turned into good. I hope there's no next time though. But I guess I will try letting myself grieve a bit more if there is *fingers crossed*.
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According to one of my friends, I had gained a reputation (I don't know how wide the circumference of people is) of being someone who is able to let go quickly after a break up. I never saw that as a
"problem" until a revelation during the retreat.
Previously, I think it's a good thing to be able to move on quickly after a break up. I feel sad but maybe only for a short season. It's the same even with my Dad in hospital for the second time in a year for about 6 weeks now. My way of coping is to occupy my life and my thoughts with many happy things and activities so I won't mourn and whine and be melancholic and waste my life away, right? Apparently wrong.
1) my ex-partners had the impression that the relationship meant very little to me since I was able to move on so quickly.
2) I don't know if there's any baggage in me that's yet to be released that will be carried to the next relationship
3) When I don't mourn fully (I do mourn and cry, but not for very long), I am not able to fully and truly emphatise with people who go through similar situations and hence, will not be able to comfort them or help them along in that journey of healing as effectively as I would.
Maybe I am meant to let myself cry and mourn a little more, so points 1-3 will be turned into good. I hope there's no next time though. But I guess I will try letting myself grieve a bit more if there is *fingers crossed*.
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