:)
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
Not needing God
I guess some people don't need God because they prefer to rely on themselves and their abilities. I can understand that because it's tough to relinquish control over your life and let someone else take over. It makes one feel vulnerable. But I guess when bad things happen, they don't blame God as much because they never expected God to work in the first place. Or maybe they don't want to be disappointed by God, so they stop themselves from expecting. So many permutations right.
Whatever rocks your boat, I guess.
I guess the problem is when the resentment is deep rooted whenever bad things happen, that instead of outwardly lashing at God, the bitterness takes root in their hearts and they may not even be aware of that. In the end, they may feel so numb at the whole God concept. I think that's where the problem is.
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Whatever rocks your boat, I guess.
I guess the problem is when the resentment is deep rooted whenever bad things happen, that instead of outwardly lashing at God, the bitterness takes root in their hearts and they may not even be aware of that. In the end, they may feel so numb at the whole God concept. I think that's where the problem is.
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Monday, 5 October 2015
tentative plans
What are some things I like to achieve during my 3 month break? These are some things for now.
1) A time of spiritual refreshing through contemplation/reflection, resetting my life, seeking God and God's direction for the next half of my life
2) Attending the Hillsong Conference
3) Continuing to write and hopefully publish a book
4) Spend time travelling with the parents
5) Spend summer break with Pie and perhaps meet the potential in-laws
6) do Yoga regularly to have a stronger and more flexible body to fix my injuries
I was just sharing with Pie that I have always wanted to start an NGO or foundation of sorts but I have not yet found the target group to do that with. Perhaps there will be some revelation during the sabbatical.
Others (if there's time)
do some part-time work
take up a diploma in Thai foot reflexology
take up a course from bible college either overseas or here
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1) A time of spiritual refreshing through contemplation/reflection, resetting my life, seeking God and God's direction for the next half of my life
2) Attending the Hillsong Conference
3) Continuing to write and hopefully publish a book
4) Spend time travelling with the parents
5) Spend summer break with Pie and perhaps meet the potential in-laws
6) do Yoga regularly to have a stronger and more flexible body to fix my injuries
I was just sharing with Pie that I have always wanted to start an NGO or foundation of sorts but I have not yet found the target group to do that with. Perhaps there will be some revelation during the sabbatical.
Others (if there's time)
do some part-time work
take up a diploma in Thai foot reflexology
take up a course from bible college either overseas or here
.
Thanksgiving
on 26th July, I wrote this about plans in 2016:
I am excited because of the possibility of attending Hillsong 2016, and then travelling to Canada with the pie pie to meet her family and travel around. I was thinking of spending another 3- 4 weeks around Canada to read, write and seek God's plan for the next phase of my life. Perhaps also to compile a book of the insights of a christian lesbian blogger. :p
As usual, plans won't be certain until closer to the date. In the meantime, there are so many opened doors. MOE international school in Hk (my cousin got connections with the P), Shanghai International School (I got to resign for this job but my ex-classmate was looking for PE teachers), submitting my thesis as a journal paper (my supervisor texted me to ask if I wanted to), becoming an Art Consultant in my friend's to be Art Gallery (she will coach me on all those artistic bullshit so she said), my ex- P telling me to look for her if she's not retired (so she can hire me as a flexi-adjunct teacher)... taxi driving, waitressing, petrol attendant... going to bible school... the possibilities are endless :p
Looking for the break to seek God on what's next.
On 5th October, this is my thanksgiving: My P has agreed to a 3-month no-pay leave during the period July-Sept 2016 with the option of extending if I need!!
Of course, nothing is confirmed until the application is approved. But I am pretty stoked about the high possibility that Hillsong 2016 is really going to happen after 12 years of waiting. Super stoked. I think it's a good start to my retreat/sabbatical. It's great that I do not have to resign, and I will not be bonded in any way after my leave period, and after working for another 6 weeks, I get paid during the Nov/Dec holidays again. It's great that I do not have to save as much as projected before.
More about plans to come once things are clearer. Woot!
I am excited because of the possibility of attending Hillsong 2016, and then travelling to Canada with the pie pie to meet her family and travel around. I was thinking of spending another 3- 4 weeks around Canada to read, write and seek God's plan for the next phase of my life. Perhaps also to compile a book of the insights of a christian lesbian blogger. :p
As usual, plans won't be certain until closer to the date. In the meantime, there are so many opened doors. MOE international school in Hk (my cousin got connections with the P), Shanghai International School (I got to resign for this job but my ex-classmate was looking for PE teachers), submitting my thesis as a journal paper (my supervisor texted me to ask if I wanted to), becoming an Art Consultant in my friend's to be Art Gallery (she will coach me on all those artistic bullshit so she said), my ex- P telling me to look for her if she's not retired (so she can hire me as a flexi-adjunct teacher)... taxi driving, waitressing, petrol attendant... going to bible school... the possibilities are endless :p
Looking for the break to seek God on what's next.
On 5th October, this is my thanksgiving: My P has agreed to a 3-month no-pay leave during the period July-Sept 2016 with the option of extending if I need!!
Of course, nothing is confirmed until the application is approved. But I am pretty stoked about the high possibility that Hillsong 2016 is really going to happen after 12 years of waiting. Super stoked. I think it's a good start to my retreat/sabbatical. It's great that I do not have to resign, and I will not be bonded in any way after my leave period, and after working for another 6 weeks, I get paid during the Nov/Dec holidays again. It's great that I do not have to save as much as projected before.
More about plans to come once things are clearer. Woot!
Woohoooooooo
I am back!!!
Long hiatus from writing! A slight lack of inspiration but mostly a lack of inertia in sitting in front of the computer. I was just sharing with the sweetheart yesterday that I tend to write more when I was in the midst of doing my assignments. It was then I had to seat myself down with the laptop in front of me for an extended period of time. And it was mostly when I usually plug myself into christian music that the spirit of God inspired me to write. Will update my updates soonest. Ciao for now!
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Long hiatus from writing! A slight lack of inspiration but mostly a lack of inertia in sitting in front of the computer. I was just sharing with the sweetheart yesterday that I tend to write more when I was in the midst of doing my assignments. It was then I had to seat myself down with the laptop in front of me for an extended period of time. And it was mostly when I usually plug myself into christian music that the spirit of God inspired me to write. Will update my updates soonest. Ciao for now!
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Sunday, 26 July 2015
a new female guitarist
and a damn good one. And it is so timely especially when I have been thinking about stepping down from serving in the worship ministry for a few months now.
I am so thankful that she's gonna shadow me so I can slowly switch to an increased involvement in AV. I have always been on sound duty but I think I like to learn how to operate the visual aspect as well. I also like to know the inside outs of how to set up the sound system from scratch.
And so these are the plans for the remaining half of the year. I think there's more but I am praying for greater clarity. Will update when that comes.
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I am so thankful that she's gonna shadow me so I can slowly switch to an increased involvement in AV. I have always been on sound duty but I think I like to learn how to operate the visual aspect as well. I also like to know the inside outs of how to set up the sound system from scratch.
And so these are the plans for the remaining half of the year. I think there's more but I am praying for greater clarity. Will update when that comes.
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plans for 2016
I am excited because of the possibility of attending Hillsong 2016, and then travelling to Canada with the pie pie to meet her family and travel around. I was thinking of spending another 3- 4 weeks around Canada to read, write and seek God's plan for the next phase of my life. Perhaps also to compile a book of the insights of a christian lesbian blogger. :p
As usual, plans won't be certain until closer to the date. In the meantime, there are so many opened doors. MOE international school in Hk (my cousin got connections with the P), Shanghai International School (I got to resign for this job but my ex-classmate was looking for PE teachers), submitting my thesis as a journal paper (my supervisor texted me to ask if I wanted to), becoming an Art Consultant in my friend's to be Art Gallery (she will coach me on all those artistic bullshit so she said), my ex- P telling me to look for her if she's not retired (so she can hire me as a flexi-adjunct teacher)... taxi driving, waitressing, petrol attendant... going to bible school... the possibilities are endless :p
Looking for the break to seek God on what's next.
.
As usual, plans won't be certain until closer to the date. In the meantime, there are so many opened doors. MOE international school in Hk (my cousin got connections with the P), Shanghai International School (I got to resign for this job but my ex-classmate was looking for PE teachers), submitting my thesis as a journal paper (my supervisor texted me to ask if I wanted to), becoming an Art Consultant in my friend's to be Art Gallery (she will coach me on all those artistic bullshit so she said), my ex- P telling me to look for her if she's not retired (so she can hire me as a flexi-adjunct teacher)... taxi driving, waitressing, petrol attendant... going to bible school... the possibilities are endless :p
Looking for the break to seek God on what's next.
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creating space for the holy spirit to speak
I spent 40 minutes reading the bible this morning in the quiet of the Nook. And though I was quite caught up with the story of King David and his life, it didn't feel like the spirit was speaking to my heart.
A few hours later, as I was starting to drive to run some errands. I switched CDs in the car and the moment the song Let it be Jesus started playing, my attention was caught by the first two sentences: " Let it be Jesus, the first name that I call. Let it be Jesus, my song inside the storm" My heart opened and subsequently, listening to the same song repeatedly, I felt refreshed and recharged.
Lesson learnt: Doesn't matter how quiet the environment is or what spiritual discipline you are practising. If the heart is not open and ready to receive the touch of the holy spirit, you won't get anything. Geddit??
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A few hours later, as I was starting to drive to run some errands. I switched CDs in the car and the moment the song Let it be Jesus started playing, my attention was caught by the first two sentences: " Let it be Jesus, the first name that I call. Let it be Jesus, my song inside the storm" My heart opened and subsequently, listening to the same song repeatedly, I felt refreshed and recharged.
Lesson learnt: Doesn't matter how quiet the environment is or what spiritual discipline you are practising. If the heart is not open and ready to receive the touch of the holy spirit, you won't get anything. Geddit??
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Monday, 11 May 2015
today..
so I made a boo boo at work today. Not a small one. Not particularly big either. Just not acceptable because it didn't look too professional. Sigh. And of course, I felt lousy after that.
What was worse wasn't that boo boo I made, because everyone makes mistake right? I felt a bit defensive and felt that the blame shouldn't be borne by me alone so when my supervisor was speaking to me about the matter, I mentioned to my supervisor matter-of-factly what I felt he should know. Haiz, which I felt I shouldn't. I mean, I have already apologised and admitted that it was an overlook on my part.I could be more gracious and taken full responsibility on my part and not mention about the other party. Haiz.
I asked myself whether I was being too hard on myself. And perhaps. Because in the grand scheme of things, it's not really a big big thing.. but perhaps it's not such a bad idea to be hard on self when
1) I am aware that I am hard on myself so that I will not let myself be bothered by it
2) I am aware that I am a work in progress and God is moulding me into His workswomanship
3) I can be more compassionate to those around me and do not exert that same expectations on others
My mood was lifted momentarily by my newly completed range of Absolut Vodka, the new range of core designs. They include 5 bottles not distributed yet at Singapore DFS. But ya know.. all these are really quite meaningless, thanks to a casual question asked by a cg mate on Sunday, "So... we should all go to your place for an Absolut party before the world ends." And of course, I replied that I hope I can negotiate with God to bring my collection up to heaven. :p
Praying for a better day tomorrow. Work is getting a bit exhausting. And have I mentioned the heat? Argh.
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What was worse wasn't that boo boo I made, because everyone makes mistake right? I felt a bit defensive and felt that the blame shouldn't be borne by me alone so when my supervisor was speaking to me about the matter, I mentioned to my supervisor matter-of-factly what I felt he should know. Haiz, which I felt I shouldn't. I mean, I have already apologised and admitted that it was an overlook on my part.I could be more gracious and taken full responsibility on my part and not mention about the other party. Haiz.
I asked myself whether I was being too hard on myself. And perhaps. Because in the grand scheme of things, it's not really a big big thing.. but perhaps it's not such a bad idea to be hard on self when
1) I am aware that I am hard on myself so that I will not let myself be bothered by it
2) I am aware that I am a work in progress and God is moulding me into His workswomanship
3) I can be more compassionate to those around me and do not exert that same expectations on others
My mood was lifted momentarily by my newly completed range of Absolut Vodka, the new range of core designs. They include 5 bottles not distributed yet at Singapore DFS. But ya know.. all these are really quite meaningless, thanks to a casual question asked by a cg mate on Sunday, "So... we should all go to your place for an Absolut party before the world ends." And of course, I replied that I hope I can negotiate with God to bring my collection up to heaven. :p
Praying for a better day tomorrow. Work is getting a bit exhausting. And have I mentioned the heat? Argh.
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Friday, 8 May 2015
Coping Strategies
We spoke a bit about this during JOC cell group social over Starbucks. I love cosy heart -to-heart sharings like these.
Because I am hypersensitive to the things people say and do (too much sometimes), that has caused me some amount of misery through my life. As I grew older and more mature, and more secure in my identity of what it means to be the beloved of God, things got lots better and I was able to use this "gift" to add value to the lives of others.
Three things I have practised that have helped me through life with minimal damage:
1) Do not take things personally
When someone makes a negative comment about something relating to me, I try not to let it affect me. I try not to read too much into a situation when it's about me. I tell myself that the person is not directing that comment at me, and if they are, that they are not insinuating that I am a lousy person in any way. In this case, the knowledge of my worth in God's eyes helps. I open up my heart and take different perspectives on the situation and find reasons why they say and do the things they do.
2) It is not about me
I do not seek to be in the limelight. God sees what I do. I do not need to claim credit because everything I know, I do, I receive, comes from God. It calls for an enduring spirit sometimes and lots of graciousness but it humbles the soul.
3) Let it go
I do not need to be defensive. God sees my heart. If it is something negative, I practise letting go before bitterness sets in. I do not think about what is, what could be and what it could mean. I tell myself that it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's not worth the energy and effort fighting that battle because I know God knows the situation, God is in control and God will intervene on my behalf.
Wokay. I am blogged-out today! TGIF!
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Because I am hypersensitive to the things people say and do (too much sometimes), that has caused me some amount of misery through my life. As I grew older and more mature, and more secure in my identity of what it means to be the beloved of God, things got lots better and I was able to use this "gift" to add value to the lives of others.
Three things I have practised that have helped me through life with minimal damage:
1) Do not take things personally
When someone makes a negative comment about something relating to me, I try not to let it affect me. I try not to read too much into a situation when it's about me. I tell myself that the person is not directing that comment at me, and if they are, that they are not insinuating that I am a lousy person in any way. In this case, the knowledge of my worth in God's eyes helps. I open up my heart and take different perspectives on the situation and find reasons why they say and do the things they do.
2) It is not about me
I do not seek to be in the limelight. God sees what I do. I do not need to claim credit because everything I know, I do, I receive, comes from God. It calls for an enduring spirit sometimes and lots of graciousness but it humbles the soul.
3) Let it go
I do not need to be defensive. God sees my heart. If it is something negative, I practise letting go before bitterness sets in. I do not think about what is, what could be and what it could mean. I tell myself that it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It's not worth the energy and effort fighting that battle because I know God knows the situation, God is in control and God will intervene on my behalf.
Wokay. I am blogged-out today! TGIF!
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Family Holidays
Family holidays are never cheap, especially when I have to pay for my Dad's and helper's share plus accommodation for the family.
We have gone for two family vacations the past two years after Dad's surgery and recovery, one on Star Cruise and the other to Bali. Both trips have cost me up to 2k. So it was a pleasant surprise when my auntie offered to come up with 10k for 5 adults to Perth (my parents, another senior citizen couple as well as my Auntie). The only thing is that I will be their driver and tour guide. hehe. She said I can pay for myself since I am working.
I am completely stoked. Going to my 2nd home together with my parents and not having to pay for them. Woot. That saved me a great deal of money this year. We are scheduled to go in September. Lovely weather. I can't wait to start planning. :) Thank you God!
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Important questions to ask in living the ABUNDANT LIFE
What does the power of the Risen Lord mean to you?
What impact does the Risen Lord have in your life?
How are you empowered by the fact that the Lord has risen?
I thought that a very important question to answer because I am a bit jaded by how many people I know are experiencing the Christian life, not that they are experiencing Christianity wrongly or anything like that. But I know for a sure fact that God desires for us to live empowered lives, lives that would demonstrate His glory on earth! Through us!
A christian life is not about going to church weekly or more than a few times a week
A christian life is not about reading the bible or christian materials every day for all days of the year
A christian life is not about going for bible studies to improve our knowledge of God
A christian life is not about being committed in attending cell group weekly or more than a few times a week
A christian life is not about putting self down for service to the different ministries in church
A christian life is not about giving 10% of our finances, time, or gifts to God
A christian life is not about reaching out to the community or to the people in need
All of the above are good things to do. And good things that good christians too. But a christian life is so much more than the above.
Being a christian means knowing that we are the beloved children of God, deserving of all the love that God has given us and is continually giving us
Being a christian is contemplating and meditating on the words we read from the bible, letting the Holy Spirit shed light into our hearts
Being a christian is knowing that God is present and that we are able to remain in God's presence every single minute of our lives
Being a christian is being sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit who leads us to do and say the right things at the right time
Being a christian is being empowered by the power of the Holy Spirit translating into the energy and passion-filled life
Being a christian is being deeply indebted to how much God loves us and how much God has given to us for us to experience wholeness and healing
Being a christian is giving the Holy Spirit the space to work, to lead, to reach out to the people God puts in our mind, to pray for the person whom God places in mind, to look at a person and looking at them in the way Jesus would
Being a christian means letting the power of the Holy Spirit transform our souls so that our hearts, our minds, and our bodies align with the transformed soul and we experience true, sustained peace
That's what the power of the risen Lord means to me.
Heaven is a place on Earth
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What impact does the Risen Lord have in your life?
How are you empowered by the fact that the Lord has risen?
I thought that a very important question to answer because I am a bit jaded by how many people I know are experiencing the Christian life, not that they are experiencing Christianity wrongly or anything like that. But I know for a sure fact that God desires for us to live empowered lives, lives that would demonstrate His glory on earth! Through us!
A christian life is not about going to church weekly or more than a few times a week
A christian life is not about reading the bible or christian materials every day for all days of the year
A christian life is not about going for bible studies to improve our knowledge of God
A christian life is not about being committed in attending cell group weekly or more than a few times a week
A christian life is not about putting self down for service to the different ministries in church
A christian life is not about giving 10% of our finances, time, or gifts to God
A christian life is not about reaching out to the community or to the people in need
All of the above are good things to do. And good things that good christians too. But a christian life is so much more than the above.
Being a christian means knowing that we are the beloved children of God, deserving of all the love that God has given us and is continually giving us
Being a christian is contemplating and meditating on the words we read from the bible, letting the Holy Spirit shed light into our hearts
Being a christian is knowing that God is present and that we are able to remain in God's presence every single minute of our lives
Being a christian is being sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit who leads us to do and say the right things at the right time
Being a christian is being empowered by the power of the Holy Spirit translating into the energy and passion-filled life
Being a christian is being deeply indebted to how much God loves us and how much God has given to us for us to experience wholeness and healing
Being a christian is giving the Holy Spirit the space to work, to lead, to reach out to the people God puts in our mind, to pray for the person whom God places in mind, to look at a person and looking at them in the way Jesus would
Being a christian means letting the power of the Holy Spirit transform our souls so that our hearts, our minds, and our bodies align with the transformed soul and we experience true, sustained peace
That's what the power of the risen Lord means to me.
Heaven is a place on Earth
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I actually enjoy writing
I realised how much I miss writing. Or typing on the keyboard. Letting my thoughts flow from my heart and mind through my arms, hands and to my fingers. Woot! Got three more posts coming up in a while.
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Angry and Upset!
sigh. I am upset with myself for not blogging regularly. Thank God, however, for the grace He has given me to extend compassion on myself and be able to forgive myself more easily. :p
I had thoughts I wanted to articulate since about 2 months ago. Haiz. I wish I can make it a point to blog more readily. I only almost start blogging when I am doing an assignment. Because only in doing an assignment, I have to ensure I have unlimited battery life on the laptop, an internet connection, worship/praise music, and seated at a place where I can blog comfortably.
It's funny. As I am writing this post, a new challenge came to mind. I have always been able to express myself better when I am writing than when I am speaking. Ironic I know, especially when I have to do that as a day job. But perhaps the challenge now is to be able to translate what I write to expressing it verbally. So people won't fall asleep while hearing me speak, or complete my sentences for me. Haiz. Yes that just happened yesterday. Okay! Think this is the new challenge of the season. Gambatte!
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I had thoughts I wanted to articulate since about 2 months ago. Haiz. I wish I can make it a point to blog more readily. I only almost start blogging when I am doing an assignment. Because only in doing an assignment, I have to ensure I have unlimited battery life on the laptop, an internet connection, worship/praise music, and seated at a place where I can blog comfortably.
It's funny. As I am writing this post, a new challenge came to mind. I have always been able to express myself better when I am writing than when I am speaking. Ironic I know, especially when I have to do that as a day job. But perhaps the challenge now is to be able to translate what I write to expressing it verbally. So people won't fall asleep while hearing me speak, or complete my sentences for me. Haiz. Yes that just happened yesterday. Okay! Think this is the new challenge of the season. Gambatte!
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Wednesday, 22 April 2015
A profound revelation
"We perceive others' words with the same intensity as we would mean it."
That's such a profound statement. It made me think about some situations in my life where I had felt hurt more often than I would prefer to because of the lack of intensity behind certain words that someone special had said. Like what my CG mate rightly said, she's such an intense person and if she said certain things, she meant what she said with that deep intensity and how she felt hurt when the same words uttered by someone special to her did not mean as much. Ashamedly, I also thought of certain things I had said to special people which meant more to them than what I meant. That I regret. Not that I did not mean those words. I meant them from the bottom of my heart. But just not at the same intensity as they would perceive it. Confusing I know. This whole episode just teaches me to exercise wisdom and discernment in the words I choose to use in future.
More than that, I thought about the song we sang to God last night, and thought that though our words may be shallow and sometimes insincere, God our father who loves us with such intensity perceives our words at the same level as s/he would have said them. And S/he won't love us any less. I was just in awe of this revelation last night.
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That's such a profound statement. It made me think about some situations in my life where I had felt hurt more often than I would prefer to because of the lack of intensity behind certain words that someone special had said. Like what my CG mate rightly said, she's such an intense person and if she said certain things, she meant what she said with that deep intensity and how she felt hurt when the same words uttered by someone special to her did not mean as much. Ashamedly, I also thought of certain things I had said to special people which meant more to them than what I meant. That I regret. Not that I did not mean those words. I meant them from the bottom of my heart. But just not at the same intensity as they would perceive it. Confusing I know. This whole episode just teaches me to exercise wisdom and discernment in the words I choose to use in future.
More than that, I thought about the song we sang to God last night, and thought that though our words may be shallow and sometimes insincere, God our father who loves us with such intensity perceives our words at the same level as s/he would have said them. And S/he won't love us any less. I was just in awe of this revelation last night.
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Friday, 20 March 2015
Solo retreat part 3: reflection from Soul Keeping
According to John Ortberg, the soul integrates the will, the mind and the body and when there's conflict between any of the components, the soul faces disharmony and disintegration.. Coming from that definition, I made sense of some of the questions I have been thinking of from time to time.
Many times, when we want to change certain habits or thought pattern, we are advised to control and stop ourselves using willpower, we try to change our bad habits by sticking to a new habit for 21 days. We try to distract ourselves from our pain by filling our lives with activities. We try to get rid of addictions by replacing those addictions with other addictions, not knowing that by doing all of that, we are only using temporary relief to fix the problem at the surface. The root of the problem still exists. Fixing the root of the problem is hence, allowing God to fill our soul with his spirit until the will, the mind (thoughts, feelings and desires) and the body (appetites, habits and behavior) is overwhelmed and overcome.
This explains the "healing" of smokers and drug addicts and the miraculous stop to their addictions . People normally say they are healed by God, what I think it is because God has given them wholeness to their souls that their will, mind and body can overcome their addictions.
Meditation, I feel, is a process that facilitates the healing of the soul. It allows a space for God to work. It helps one stay focused and disciplined eradicating distractions and gives a sense of peace and control to experience fully the permanent wholeness that only God can give to the soul to fix the root cause of all our disharmony, disconnection and sin.
Sin is not often talked about because of the unpleasantness of the topic. It is easier to talk about how God has cleansed us of our sins through Jesus Christ than to look at the sins of our own lives. It's more palatable to think that we will be transformed as long as we keep looking to Jesus, to be jesus conscious rather than sin conscious, to believe that right believing leads to right living. It's so much easier to believe in positive living.
I feel that sin-consciousness is a neutral stand. Sin-consciousness is only bad if it causes one to feel so much shame and hopelessness that people stay away from God thinking they are too bad to be saved. Sin-consciousness the right way helps us to be upfront and honest about our condition, and acknowledge that we need God's forgiveness, healing and wholeness.
For me, it's much easier to take the "let God consume my heart and soul so I will be a transformed person" rather than looking at the sinful me and acknowledging that I have a problem and that I need to admit that I have a problem , be upfront and honest about that which needs healing and wholeness. Without which, I can never truly move forward.
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Many times, when we want to change certain habits or thought pattern, we are advised to control and stop ourselves using willpower, we try to change our bad habits by sticking to a new habit for 21 days. We try to distract ourselves from our pain by filling our lives with activities. We try to get rid of addictions by replacing those addictions with other addictions, not knowing that by doing all of that, we are only using temporary relief to fix the problem at the surface. The root of the problem still exists. Fixing the root of the problem is hence, allowing God to fill our soul with his spirit until the will, the mind (thoughts, feelings and desires) and the body (appetites, habits and behavior) is overwhelmed and overcome.
This explains the "healing" of smokers and drug addicts and the miraculous stop to their addictions . People normally say they are healed by God, what I think it is because God has given them wholeness to their souls that their will, mind and body can overcome their addictions.
Meditation, I feel, is a process that facilitates the healing of the soul. It allows a space for God to work. It helps one stay focused and disciplined eradicating distractions and gives a sense of peace and control to experience fully the permanent wholeness that only God can give to the soul to fix the root cause of all our disharmony, disconnection and sin.
Sin is not often talked about because of the unpleasantness of the topic. It is easier to talk about how God has cleansed us of our sins through Jesus Christ than to look at the sins of our own lives. It's more palatable to think that we will be transformed as long as we keep looking to Jesus, to be jesus conscious rather than sin conscious, to believe that right believing leads to right living. It's so much easier to believe in positive living.
I feel that sin-consciousness is a neutral stand. Sin-consciousness is only bad if it causes one to feel so much shame and hopelessness that people stay away from God thinking they are too bad to be saved. Sin-consciousness the right way helps us to be upfront and honest about our condition, and acknowledge that we need God's forgiveness, healing and wholeness.
For me, it's much easier to take the "let God consume my heart and soul so I will be a transformed person" rather than looking at the sinful me and acknowledging that I have a problem and that I need to admit that I have a problem , be upfront and honest about that which needs healing and wholeness. Without which, I can never truly move forward.
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Thursday, 19 March 2015
Solo retreat part 2: Questions and answers
One of the those random thoughts I had on the coach ride up:
Does the spirit fill the heart? Or the soul? Is our heart a temporary housing? Just like our body is? Is the soul the only thing that is eternal? Does the soul house the heart? Or is the heart merely in the body?
I have a feeling my answers may be answered upon finishing the current book I am reading. Below are some amazing insights from the book titled Soul Keeping by John Ortberg:
"If your soul is healthy, no external circumstance can destroy your life. If your soul is unhealthy, no external circumstance can redeem your life."
- Dallas Willard
"The salvation of your soul is not just about where you go when you die. The word "salvation" means healing or deliverance at the deepest level of who we are in the care of God through the presence of Jesus"
- John Ortberg
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Does the spirit fill the heart? Or the soul? Is our heart a temporary housing? Just like our body is? Is the soul the only thing that is eternal? Does the soul house the heart? Or is the heart merely in the body?
I have a feeling my answers may be answered upon finishing the current book I am reading. Below are some amazing insights from the book titled Soul Keeping by John Ortberg:
"If your soul is healthy, no external circumstance can destroy your life. If your soul is unhealthy, no external circumstance can redeem your life."
- Dallas Willard
"The salvation of your soul is not just about where you go when you die. The word "salvation" means healing or deliverance at the deepest level of who we are in the care of God through the presence of Jesus"
- John Ortberg
.
Solo retreat part 1: Coach ride and Meditation
You, who hold the whole world in your hand
We place our lives in Your hand
You, who, with a brush of your hand
Created Earth and all its creation
We place our hearts in Your hand
We call our souls to being
and stand before you, our God, our Father, our Mother
Fill our hearts with your spirit,
from the deepest recesses to the brim of our hearts
That love, joy, peace and faith will overwhelm our hearts and spring forth upon all creation
You are our dear Lord and King
We bow and praise and worship you
Amen
Selah
Meditation
Checked in at the hotel. And just finished 57 minutes of mindfulness meditation. 57 because after I started the timer (which was 5 Metres away from me since I was charging the phone, I spent over a minute getting into the right position etc and also spent the last minute checking to see if the timer was working. It seemed like an awful long time!
Well, it wasn't easy just focusing on my breathing. Many times, the breathing went to the background while many different thoughts came in. These were some of the thoughts:
-this feels like when I am led by the Holy Spirit to pray
- I am hungry
- I think I can sleep after meditation
- how to walk to jonker street
- my ex and yoga and our ex-gym and wondered if she ever checked that I enrolled to be a member again
- pie pie saying yesterday at least I am just wasting one hour of my life
- an absolut collector offering his place for me to crash at if I pass by Liege so we could trade vodka bottles
- how he looked a bit like my cousin
- meditation for mindfulness helps because the habit of bringing the focus back to breathing trains one to focus on the task at hand
- the meditation expert and her process
- wondering when the meditation expert first felt like giving up during her 10 day silent retreat
- wondering if it was okay to stretch my neck and my legs while maintaining my breathing
- that my nose was blocked and whether it was the same breathing through the mouth
-whether it was okay to change position from time to time
-whether I should go to the gym after meditation or get some food first
- thinking that I will snack a bit while updating my blog on my first hour long meditation experience
- thankful for free wifi
- that pie pie is having the time of her month
- the previous women's retreat
-catching up with one of my inner circle friends on Sunday
- sending pie pie off on Sunday morning before service
- thinking about the conversations I had with the people I spent time with yesterday
- thinking about the meaning behind some of the sharings
And a few more. But I am hungry so I am gonna walk to jonker street to have my first proper meal of the day. Ciao.
.
We place our lives in Your hand
You, who, with a brush of your hand
Created Earth and all its creation
We place our hearts in Your hand
We call our souls to being
and stand before you, our God, our Father, our Mother
Fill our hearts with your spirit,
from the deepest recesses to the brim of our hearts
That love, joy, peace and faith will overwhelm our hearts and spring forth upon all creation
You are our dear Lord and King
We bow and praise and worship you
Amen
Selah
Meditation
Checked in at the hotel. And just finished 57 minutes of mindfulness meditation. 57 because after I started the timer (which was 5 Metres away from me since I was charging the phone, I spent over a minute getting into the right position etc and also spent the last minute checking to see if the timer was working. It seemed like an awful long time!
Well, it wasn't easy just focusing on my breathing. Many times, the breathing went to the background while many different thoughts came in. These were some of the thoughts:
-this feels like when I am led by the Holy Spirit to pray
- I am hungry
- I think I can sleep after meditation
- how to walk to jonker street
- my ex and yoga and our ex-gym and wondered if she ever checked that I enrolled to be a member again
- pie pie saying yesterday at least I am just wasting one hour of my life
- an absolut collector offering his place for me to crash at if I pass by Liege so we could trade vodka bottles
- how he looked a bit like my cousin
- meditation for mindfulness helps because the habit of bringing the focus back to breathing trains one to focus on the task at hand
- the meditation expert and her process
- wondering when the meditation expert first felt like giving up during her 10 day silent retreat
- wondering if it was okay to stretch my neck and my legs while maintaining my breathing
- that my nose was blocked and whether it was the same breathing through the mouth
-whether it was okay to change position from time to time
-whether I should go to the gym after meditation or get some food first
- thinking that I will snack a bit while updating my blog on my first hour long meditation experience
- thankful for free wifi
- that pie pie is having the time of her month
- the previous women's retreat
-catching up with one of my inner circle friends on Sunday
- sending pie pie off on Sunday morning before service
- thinking about the conversations I had with the people I spent time with yesterday
- thinking about the meaning behind some of the sharings
And a few more. But I am hungry so I am gonna walk to jonker street to have my first proper meal of the day. Ciao.
.
Friday, 13 March 2015
why do bad things happen to good people
Moses and Aaron had a tough time making the Israelites happy because they were always complaining about the lack of resources in the wilderness. Moses and Aaron never failed to go to the Lord in desperation to ask for help. And the Lord always heard their prayers. Sometimes He gave them what they asked for. Sometimes He didn't. He could have given them endless grain, figs, grapes pomegranates and water. But He didn't. And so people had to ask. But when God provided, they remembered God.
So why do bad things happen to good people? Why do we always have to ask for things from God? Perhaps God knows human nature and how complacent and unappreciative humans are, and how prone we are in forgetting Him when life is all good. But because God created us and wants to have a relationship with us. He doesn't allow that to happen.
Why do people start going to church when they lost their job, when they lost their partner, when they are desperate and feel lost only to stop going when they found a job, found a partner or when they feel fulfilled. That's human nature.
And God knows too well.
.
So why do bad things happen to good people? Why do we always have to ask for things from God? Perhaps God knows human nature and how complacent and unappreciative humans are, and how prone we are in forgetting Him when life is all good. But because God created us and wants to have a relationship with us. He doesn't allow that to happen.
Why do people start going to church when they lost their job, when they lost their partner, when they are desperate and feel lost only to stop going when they found a job, found a partner or when they feel fulfilled. That's human nature.
And God knows too well.
.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
Can I live like that?
Wake at 7am, loll around in bed, shower, have coffee and brekkie and a 10 minute drive to start the day. I can live like that.
Only that the day ends at 5pm. Not so fantastic.
Tomorrow. Back to waking at 615am, showering and taking away the coffee to drink while driving and arriving to work by 7am. And the day still ends at 5pm because of two meetings.
Life is such.
This is the day that The Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
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Thursday, 12 February 2015
Where do bad things come from?
God loves us. Hence God gives us good things. Yet, when wisdom, discernment or the fruit of the spirit is not exercised, God's providence can become a bad thing. For example, God provides resources for us; resources like money, time, gifts and talents. But greed can drive the love of money; when used wisely, the love of time can be used for selfish needs, when used without the influence of the Holy Spirit, gifts and talents can be used as means of promotion of self. When God gives us a partner to enjoy, our obsession with him/her starts to destroy our lives. These are only a few of the examples of how the gifts of God can become unhealthy for the soul.
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Sunday, 1 February 2015
Being extraordinary
I was reflecting on the difference between a christian and a non-christian after a group of my non-christian friends decided to help out at a charity organisation last weekend. Sweet of them I thought. Non-christians can be so much nicer, sweeter, gentler, generous, etc more than some Christians so I . asked myself the question: what makes a Christian a Christian. How are we different from the regular person?
I guess it is in being extraordinarily humble, extraordinarily forgiving, extraordinarily thankful, extraordinarily giving that makes the difference. It's living that extraordinary life that is beyond human nature, that people know that it is indeed God who works in and through us so we are different a certain way, set apart a certain way. There is power in a life that's changed by God! Supposedly.
I am not there yet. Praying for God to continually transform me.
.
I guess it is in being extraordinarily humble, extraordinarily forgiving, extraordinarily thankful, extraordinarily giving that makes the difference. It's living that extraordinary life that is beyond human nature, that people know that it is indeed God who works in and through us so we are different a certain way, set apart a certain way. There is power in a life that's changed by God! Supposedly.
I am not there yet. Praying for God to continually transform me.
.
Thursday, 22 January 2015
Reflections from this week's cell group session
Walked into CG exhausted. Walked out significantly refreshed (though still tired). Thankful for the space and folks for leading and sharing.
1) abundance in many things (though these things may be related to ministry) may result in the scarcity in the more important things. Eg: neglect of matters regarding the neighbour and sometimes family.
2) Don't be concerned with too many things
3) Be present and mindful in the present moment
4) don't rush ahead of God, walk in step with Him, follow the holy spirit's leading
5) be a Mary, not a Martha.
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1) abundance in many things (though these things may be related to ministry) may result in the scarcity in the more important things. Eg: neglect of matters regarding the neighbour and sometimes family.
2) Don't be concerned with too many things
3) Be present and mindful in the present moment
4) don't rush ahead of God, walk in step with Him, follow the holy spirit's leading
5) be a Mary, not a Martha.
.
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