These past 6 weeks have been incredibly tough as the sweetheart has been away. I found it hard not because I have lost a companion. I do not think there’s difficulty in finding friends to chill and hang out with. And I had the opportunity to catch up with a few of my old friends, which is good. But it’s really more than the company and companionship. I do not really need people to be around per se. What’s hard for me though, is my need to connect deeply with a special someone. The absence of her makes it difficult because it’s very rare that we find a platonic friend whom we can connect with at that level, to be able to share, be heard and understood; it’s in not being able to give and do special things for that special one that is challenging; for that special someone to be attentive to what I say and how I feel; and to be physically close to that special someone I trust and love. I guess I now understand why God says for couples not to be apart for too long so that Satan might not tempt them because of their lack of self-control. Such wisdom.

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special prayer for friend this morning

I have a friend who has turned agnostic from Christian. When I first knew her, I felt kinda connected to her in the sense that I could feel the work of the Holy Spirit moving in and through her life. We could understand each other when we speak about things on that level. But life’s discouraging events changed her and her faith. I am thankful that she’s not entirely detached from the things of God. I am praying that God will once again touch her heart so she will get a fresh revelation of God’s love for her, that the God that she once communed with is still the same God amidst life’s struggles.

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The strength that comes from weakness

Only when we allow God to show us our weaknesses, acknowledge that weakness and start to surrender all of ourselves to God, then we allow the grace of God to work through us, to strengthen us. That solid anchor-like assurance and peace that only God can provide is the source of true strength.

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post meet ups reflection

In the past week, I had caught up with two friends I had not met for quite a few years now. The catch ups were enriching for me because they had caused me to reflect on my own perspectives on life and love. In this world, it is inevitable that our hearts will be broken as long as we open ourselves up to vulnerability. Before I had my heart broken, I used to believe in a perfect kind of happily ever after. But to guard our hearts from hurt is not to experience to the fullest what we are capable of feeling. Though the process of healing from a broken heart can be unbearable, it is when we experience pain that we start to open up the heart to a host of opportunities. When the heart starts to know what it is capable of and learns to work around what it has been inherently equipped with; that resilience, then growth and maturity can follow.. Every ache, every pain, every heart-wrenching moment adds on to the substance of the heart. It’s as if the old heart is slowly shed and replaced with a newer yet more mature one; one that is more ready and open to be vulnerable and absorb pain but only growing stronger after each experience. The mature heart still believes in a happily ever after, just a different type.

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Reflections

Thorns in the flesh bring us back to God, to remind us of the reality of pain and suffering in the real world and how only God can help us through and out of the situation.

Yet there's also another sort of circumstance that brings us closer to God - that very thin space which holds the struggle between doing what is right and what is wrong.  Being in that space leaves us no choice but to rely on the grace of God to sustain us. That space makes the heart open enough to experience the reality of life but also tender enough to allow the Holy Spirit to work. Being held in that space enables growth to take place.

"The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him." Psalm 28:7 (AMP)
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Hillsong and other anti-gay organizations

so.... I think I have blogged about this before but yesterday, someone said that she doesn't understand why LGBT people support Hillsong when they are homophobic. My response to her is that I don't know of many LGBT people who support Hillsong, but I do know of quite a few LGBT who have been ministered by Hillsong's ministry.

Personally, I think it's better to be objective about this issue. Just because humans fail doesn't mean that God cannot and will not work through them. I know my God to be that omnipotent God who gives talents and gifts to vessels who are willing to avail themselves. So the ministry that flows out of the vessels, is not Hillsong, it's God. I believe we must separate the works of humans from the works of the Holy Spirit. Similarly, I do not believe that we should stay away from organizations that are anti-gay because God works in His miraculous ways. All that is required is for a tender and open heart towards God and the Holy Spirit will move and guide accordingly.
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Open relationships

I was commending a gay friend for being with his partner for 10 years already and asked how they did that. He said that if two persons are committed to keep the relationship, they will keep trying to understand each other's quirks and feelings even when they quarrel. That sounded good. Then I asked how they avoid temptations. He just commented by saying that guys and gals are different. So I proceeded to ask whether it meant that they are in an open relationship (which I shouldnt'). haha. He said he won't share that.

The statement "guys and gals are different" caused me to think a bit deeper about this issue. Do gay men have higher sex drives than straight men? I am not saying that straight men do not want to have sex with other women even if they are attached/married. But do they also have the open relationship concept? Because I certainly have not heard. At least it's extremely rare in the christian circle right? Which made me ask this question: How can gay christians lead their lives in a way that won't cause judgemental straight christians to condemn our "lifestyle"? Or should we not care and live as we wish?
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