Smokers

Smokers have this same smell.

I think it's the combination of the stale smell left by their cigarettes together with their cologne. They almost smell like they used the same cologne. I get a headache when I smell that.

So. I was having a headache today and decided to go for an upper back massage by my favourite foot reflexologist(he does upper back/full body massage too). Lo and behold, my headache got worse after I smelled that smell. Note to self: only seek his foot reflexology service in future.

It's more physiological than psychological. I get a headache very quickly from cigarette smoke. I think it's partly because I got very sensitive nasal pathways and sinuses. Oh well, similar to my allergy to alcohol, I think it's a protective mechanism given by God.

TGIF!
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The lives of others

Had the chance to catch up with my badminton partner last night. I nearly forgot we had an appointment to meet. But all turned out well. I had a chance to hear about her job as a social worker and what she does after she shared her woes on how desperately her mum was playing matchmaker for her. That story was entertaining in itself. I was glad she could keep talking because I was quite mentally tired from work. In listening to her, I gained some insights about life and learnt things about palliative care that I had not known before; information I might have to use in future. In fact, I shared with her my idea of writing about her life and her work during my sabbatical. Hehe.

Plus, my prata craving satisfied. So awesome.
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Another one?

And so, while I was collecting the worship devotionals from this Christian bookshop, I ran into my ex-church/CG mate who has worked there since forever. We talked a bit about church and cell groups and he expressed interest in visiting FCC though he said he has not heard of FCC (I didn't quite believe that because he's been working at at the bookshop for a long time, so surely he has heard something) plus, he is able to see everything I post on Facebook and that includes my views about being Christian and homosexual. I did sense something suspicious some time ago when he liked a public page Bears (which maybe only gay men would go to), or maybe he was unaware of a page as such.

I think, in giving information and details about FCC to him in the next conversation, I will most probably come out to him too. Whether or not he's gay is inconsequential. It's good for people to know that gay Christians exist. As for me, I am thankful that I am getting more comfortable coming out to friends, one at a time.
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Cell groups

Cell groups are important for the purpose that the like-minded come to encourage one another to be better than who they already are. It's both an opportunity to be authentic AND be accountable.

Now, it is good if the cell group has a climate that helps people feel safe enough to share honestly and authentically, but a cell group is more than that. I believe that some people attend cell group for the purpose they can look to someone who's going through the same life struggles yet desire to live a god-honoring life. It's in seeing how a fellow child of God rises out of his or her circumstance and continue to praise God; it is despite having wants and needs, that they attempt to put their human selves aside and surrender their plans, needs and wants to God. It is not success that is as important as trying to be a disciple of Christ; that beyond the temptations of the world, people know of one person who has, because of his/her faith in God, is a life encouragement simply by living a life to be the best God has designed them to be.

And I think at least a few people in any cell group must not lose sight of this general direction though there may be detours due to certain reasons and circumstances.

Last post from retreat. Adios!
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Day of purging and cleansing

I am so glad to be acquainted with the bible again. I can get so lazy when I do not have a routine in place to read the bible daily. I think part of the reason why I do not touch the bible as much as before is also because church and cell group do not require the use of the bible. I don't think that's too good but it surely tells me how much more disciplined I should be.


Anyhowz, in reading the chapter of James this evening (in the comfort of my log cabin bed), I realised that not all wisdom is good! That is a new perspective for me! I mean, I have always known the difference between godly wisdom and earthly wisdom but I have never seen wisdom as negative!


Check this out:


"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbour bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.


But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness."


James 3:13-18


So.. there are two types of wisdom. The wisdom that comes from heaven (godly wisdom) and the wisdom that comes from earth (earthly wisdom). The wisdom that comes from heaven is pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Therefore, if at any time we feel wise, we need to ask ourselves if this wisdom is from heaven. If not, it's prolly not from God.


Knowing this for me will help me to be acutely aware of my own thoughts and feelings. Woot! God is great!
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Retreating

This is such an important part of my life. Ideally, I wish to be deliberately spending this time with God every quarter. This time is no different, except that I had asked my sister if she wanted to come along because I know she loves travelling but she's mostly unwilling to go away due to financial constraint. I did warn her that I will be retreating most times and it has worked well so far. Of course, it would be better if I were truly alone but this is fine too.

I love the 4 hour coach ride up to Malacca. I had my ears plugged with praise and worship songs as I let the words minister to my soul, as I prayed along with the song, as I prayed for things and people that came to mind, as I took stock of my life and spoke to God about direction for my future, as I allow God to dig deep into my heart and expose my deepest thoughts. It was awesome.

The coach stopped us at Jonker St and we spent about 90 mins eating, walking around and packing dinner before cabbing to the resort about half an hour away. The resort is amazing and quiet. The negative reviews wrote about noisy sleeps because it's near the expressway. We got a room that is away from the expressway. Bad reviews also included being able to hear everything the neighbors do and say since the cabins are made of wood but we have the upper level so we don't get much disturbance. We got the whole pool area by ourselves and I spent a good 3 hours reading and worshipping some more. Glorious! Swam a couple of laps and had takeaway Nancy's kitchen food for dinner.  I wish I can stay another day but alas, work beckons. There is still another 3 hours (at least) back to Singapore.

Thanking God for making this possible.
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Spiritual authority

Many moons ago, while I was the overall facilitator for one of the girls' CG at FCC, I felt the need to be more than just an overall facilitator who takes care of the administrative matters in the group. I was more than an administrator but restrained myself from being too pushy in the things that I felt mattered. I felt a lack of spiritual authority over the group and attributed that to the reason that people may not like it if I do anything more. As time passed, I started feeling frustrated about the position I was in because I felt that God could use me more. I consulted my DGL then and asked her about the hows and whats of spiritual authority. Her response didn't quite satisfy, I remembered.

Today, I realized that before spiritual authority is given by God, we must be ready to allow ourselves to receive it. We must have grown more attuned with the holy spirit, and as we grow more mature in our relationship with God, we become more sensitive and more confident of the leading of the Holy Spirit in us. It is this quiet assurance and confidence that allows the Holy Spirit to lead us into leading. I think that's spiritual authority.

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the uncles who cleaned my car

Every time I drive into the petrol kiosk near my parents' place, a chinese uncle always tries his best to attend to me. While waiting for the car to be refuel, he would clean my car for me. If I were to go to a drive through car wash, I would have to pay $8. So I tipped him $5. Today, Uncle and another guy attended to my car. hehe. So I gave them $2 each. This sure beats car wash. Cheaper! And I can help the petrol attendants earn more!
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my retreat

and so, after much research and deliberation, I have decided on Malacca. Why Malacca and not other places?

Scenerio: I can only leave Wednesday night and arrive back at work at 3.30p.m. on Friday.

Places I considered:

Option1:

Phuket: Flight time, 1 hr 50 mins (I can read and meditate on the flight) and then chill and read by the oh so clean water and sand beach. However, I have to take the flight back on Friday. There is a risk that I will be late for work if another bugger decides to fly into Singapore airspace and airspace gets frozen for 50 minutes.

Option 2:

KL: 5 hours by coach. Love that idea because coaching to KL for me is the best time to meditate. However, if I take the coach Wed evening, I will arrive late Wednesday night and pay for a night of accommodation, wasting it. If there's traffic jam taking the 8a.m. coach back to Singapore on Friday, I am also unsure whether I would arrive to work on time.

Option 3:

Batam: Taking the ferry would give me motion sickness and no time to meditate at all. Sure, there will be the beach, but I figured I would be too distracted by the number of people and all the cheap things I like to indulge in over there. Think: Massage, manicure, pedicure etc.

Option 4:

Malacca, staying at boutique hotel Casa Del Rio: 3 hours coach, enough to read and meditate and still able to eat well when we arrive. Can continue to read in hotel balcony (really pretty hotel) or by the river and still be close to some action if needed (because hotel is just behind Jonker Street, the famous food and shopping street at Malacca). I also invited by sis to enjoy the hotel room with me because it's a waste enjoying it alone. I told her that I will only meet her for meals though. haha. However, the hotel was fully booked on AGODA by the time I checked again. And the official hotel website charges 800 MYR (338 SGD per night). Too expensive.

Option 5:

Malacca, staying at Philea Resort (about 30 minutes drive from Jonker Street). Rather secluded and good for a retreat. Average reviews but it fulfills the purpose. And it cost only $130 per night. So the plan is this: Coach on Thursday morning (which leaves Wed night free for me - so precious), can read and meditate on the 3 hours ride up. Arrive during lunch time. walk, shop and even do foot massage for about 2-3 hours (for sister's sake) before heading to the resort for part two of ohmming. Morning coach on Friday at 8a.m. back to Singapore. Woot. Should be back by 330p.m.

Yay! Can't wait. Need the time to take stock.
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After a long absence

Thankful to get a weekday afternoon off finally. This has been such a crazy term I don't know how I got through it. I am really thankful to God for strength to get through it, wisdom to know what to do and sending people to help along the way.

So I managed to see the dentist about the recurring sore on my gums two rounds of antibiotics later. The dentist took two xrays and concluded that it was indeed a gum infection as what my doctor has predicted. She gave me an injection to numb my gums and did a thorough cleaning. At of this moment, at the salon, I am still unable to control my cheek/mouth muscles.

Anywayz, it's back to work after the haircut. I am so thankful for the break next week though I have to go back nearly everyday. Namaste.
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